


Aperture

by EclecticInkling



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Eventual Happy Ending, Future Fic, Gen, Log Fic, M/M, Mentions of Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Slightly unreliable narrator, it's basically written in diary format, no Shiro in this one except through memories, very slow build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 26,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9542870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EclecticInkling/pseuds/EclecticInkling
Summary: My name is Lance McClain, and I am a paladin of Voltron. The last paladin. I helped fight against the Galra Empire when there still was something left to fight for. Something left to protect. And I’m going to die out here before seeing if everything we sacrificed was worth it.I really hope it was.





	1. Blue Lion Log: Entry 1

Alright. Alright, ok. I guess, first of all, I should start by saying I’m completely and absolutely fucked here. No other way to put it, honestly. Blue and I have crash landed on some icy planet that, if Blue’s scanners are working the way they should, seems devoid of any form of native life. At least none within range, though I doubt the rest of the planet is any different. Too cold and covered in snow to support anything that needs actual sustenance. Which is basically every alien race I’ve come across since joining this stupid fight against Zarkon.

I do have food and water for the moment. Took what I could from the Castle’s supplies before jumping ship and heading out on my own. There’s enough here to last me a few months if I  _ really  _ ration it out. Maybe skip a few meals. Eat only enough to take the edge off my hunger. But once it runs out, I’m definitely fucked, because there’s nothing around here for me to scavenge. Just miles and miles of snow and ice-covered mountains and howling blizzards I don’t even want to try to navigate through.

Long story short: I’m definitely going to die here. Most likely from starvation or dehydration, but freezing to death and asphyxiation are also definite possibilities, depending on how long Blue’s life support systems can hold out in this hell hole. The how doesn’t really matter though. Fact is, I’m going to die. I’m going to die out here, and nobody’s going to know. Nobody’s going to care, because there’s nobody  _ left  _ to care. And I am…

  
  
  


I am…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Look, I don’t even know if writing any of this down is going to be useful. I don’t know if anyone will ever find Blue, or if she’ll allow them to access this log collection if they do. But if they do. If they-- you, whoever you are-- stumble across this, I want you to know a few things:

My name is Lance McClain, and I am a paladin of Voltron. The last paladin. I helped fight against the Galra Empire when there still was something left to fight for. Something left to protect. And I’m going to die out here before seeing if everything we sacrificed was worth it.

I really hope it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few things before you go:
> 
> 1\. This fic is being written in real time, as if Lance is writing and updating this himself as things occur. So basically, sometimes you'll be getting multiple updates in one day, while other times you'll be going several days before another update. But there is a schedule already set up and ready to go, so you'll get updates pretty consistently until the end of the first arc.
> 
> 2\. Yes, arc. This is a really long fic, so I've split it up into several arcs of 20-40 log entries each. I'm going to update an arc at a time, with a month-long break in between each one in order to compile and edit all the log entries before starting this back up. So for example, this arc will take us to mid-March, so arc 2 would start updating around mid-April or so.
> 
> 3\. This fic is also being posted on tumblr! The way it's written makes it perfect for a site like tumblr, so I wanted to play around and experiment with that. Go to https://bluelionlogs.tumblr.com/ if you want to follow it there!
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you all for reading!!!!!!!!


	2. Blue Lion Log: Entry 2

It’s been about two days since my last log and things haven’t changed all that much. Blue’s systems seem to be undamaged from the crash, so they’re working perfectly fine in keeping the air fresh and temperature bearable for now. I have no idea how long that will last. If Coran were around, or Hunk, or even Pidge, they’d be able to calculate the time remaining with scary precision, and then would probably be able to double, if not triple, that time with their equally scary mechanical abilities. But, of course, they  _ aren’t _ here. It’s just me. The most useless paladin of this Voltron group.

Why am I the one still left here? I just don’t get it!

I mean there was Shiro, and he was just… just everything really. A legend, even before becoming a paladin. A natural leader, a genuinely good person. He was the best of us. And then he was…

And Hunk! Hunk should have outlasted us all with his strength and genius! No one in the universe can match his mechanical abilities! He and Pidge should have been able to build their way out of what happened, or come up with some plan, or something. Especially Pidge, who was too smart for this whole thing. Too smart for all of us.

And… and Keith… Godammit Keith...I just…

  
  


I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this. I feel like I’m going crazy here, but I can’t tell if it’s because of the situation or because of the noise. You would think a deserted planet would be too empty and too quiet and _ that’s _ what would send a man into insanity, but no. These blizzards just slam right up against Blue and surround us with screaming, and honestly I don’t know how much more I can take before I’m trying to mutilate my own ear canals. And the overwhelming amount of whiteness when I look out Blue’s windows— I swear I’m starting to go blind from it. Won’t be long before I start hallucinating, and then who knows what’ll happen to me.

Heads up: if you find my body frozen somewhere out in that wasteland, it’s probably because I went insane and thought I was taking a nice, long stroll along some beach or something.

That actually doesn’t sound like too terrible a way to go, to be honest.

This would all be so much easier to handle if I just had someone to  _ talk _ to. I’ve always been surrounded by people, ever since I was born. And even when I was floating out in space billions of miles from home, I still had all of the paladins and alien beings we met along the way to keep me company, so this whole solitude thing really isn’t working for me. Like at all. I need conversation, and warmth, and the feeling of having someone on my side.

You’re on my side, aren’t you? Whoever you are? I mean I know we’ve only just met— in like the vaguest possible way of meeting anyone without actually ever meeting them— but I really feel like I can confide in you. Like we have some sort of bond.

And, to be frank, I _ really  _ need someone to talk to and you’re the closest thing I’m going to get, so you’re just going to have to deal with my rambling. And if you don’t want to, well… screw that, I’m going to do it anyways.

But since we’re just meeting each other and all of that, I guess I should start by telling you a little about myself and where I come from. Maybe a bit about my family too, because, to be honest, my family is the absolute best. And I’m not just saying that because I’m biased.

See, I was born the youngest of four siblings in a tiny, private institution near Cardenas, Cuba called Galaxy Garrison Outpost #3, because yeah, my parents are awesome like that.

Now I get that you, whoever you are, probably don’t understand why this can be considered awesome because either a) you aren’t from Earth at all and these words are all meaningless, or b) Earth has changed so much by the time you find this that Cuba and/or Galaxy Garrison no longer exist and therefore hold no significance to you, so let me just say once again that my parents are  _ awesome. _

See, where I come from, Galaxy Garrison exists as a space exploration agency that was originally founded as a military project. It still holds a lot of military influence in the way it’s run, what with all the personnel rankings and specialized academies and a rulebook the size of a fully-grown Arusian, and that kind of makes being a Garrison officer and a parent at the same time really difficult.

That’s only counting for one kid. My parents had four. And they were still the best parents any kid could ever ask for. So yeah, they’re just a little bit badass.

Galaxy Garrison kind of runs in my family, to be honest. I’m pretty sure I have at least one great-great-great-grandparent on both my mom and dad’s sides that were part of the original organization, and every generation after that usually had one or two Garrison officers. All four of my grandparents had at least some connection to the Garrison that ranged from secretary (my paternal grandfather) to fleet commander (my maternal grandmother). My aunt on my mom’s side eventually inherited that fleet commander position when I was about six or seven-- a responsibility that meant I always saw less of her and my uncle than I liked.

(My uncle, surprisingly, actually wasn’t part of the Garrison, but he was still badass in his own way. He owned a surf shop near the Garrison outpost in California, and taught me how to surf when I eventually moved there for the Academy.)

My parents, in comparison, were pretty low-ranking officers, and they liked it that way. They met when my mom was sent from California to Cardenas to help establish a training center for the Garrison outpost and had to work side by side with my dad for several months. From what she’s told me, she originally hated my dad’s guts when they first met, but then they ended up engaged by the time the project was finished so that first impression apparently didn’t last long. And my mom was happy to pick up a desk job in the newly-expanded outpost so they could stay together, just as long as my dad took her last name when they married, which he did, and Mom always gloated over that fact.

“He got the place, but  _ I  _ got the name,” she’d crow whenever the story came up. Then my dad would huff and start talking about how the only reason she agreed to marry him was because he was willing to take the McClain name when all her other suitors wouldn’t, and Mom would smile but she’d never deny it. Not completely. I don’t know for sure why that was so important to her. It might have been a legacy thing. Or maybe she just didn’t like the name Sanchez.

That’s one thing I really wish I had asked when I had the chance. I guess I’ll never know now.

But anyway, despite being officers, or perhaps because they were so lowkey about it, I was the only one of my siblings to actually pursue a career with Galaxy Garrison. My oldest sister thought about it for a while, but she ended up deciding it wasn’t the path for her the year before she needed to apply to the Garrison Academy and instead pursued a passion for teaching that led her to a local primary school, a loving husband, and two impossible children-- my niece and nephew.

(I’m afraid to say they took a little too much after me and drove my sister nuts. Hopefully they won’t choose to follow in my footsteps. We don’t need more McClain’s disappearing into space, after all.)

My other sister didn’t even consider joining Galaxy Garrison. Just hopped on a plane as soon as she had the money and worked her way around the globe doing odd jobs, like the free spirit she’d always been. My brother, on the other hand, decided his future was in medicine. He was making his way through med school when I found Blue and… disappeared on them, I guess. For almost five years...

God, that must have been painful when Galaxy Garrison contacted them. I wonder what they said about me. I wasn’t even cleared for space stuff yet, so they couldn’t do another cover-up like with Shiro’s Kerberos mission. Maybe it would have been better if they had though. At least my family could have gotten some closure. Could have felt like I died for something important.

Not to say that I regret joining Voltron, but-- well no, actually I  _ do  _ regret it. At least a little. I mean, I wouldn’t be in this situation if I hadn’t joined Voltron. I wouldn’t be stranded alone on this godforsaken planet, just waiting to die because there’s nothing else I can do. Wouldn’t be going insane from the screaming of wind and ice scraping against Blue. Wouldn’t be alone and grieving for the two families I loved and then lost.

If I hadn’t joined Voltron, I wouldn’t have known this pain existed.

The only thing I’m thankful about right now is that, by joining Voltron, no one else had to suffer this in my place.


	3. Blue Lion Log: Entry 3

I’ve decided I’m not going to die. Not yet.

See, the fact is that I’m only human, and I don’t know if you know much about humans considering what all has happened recently, but the one thing I can tell you is that, in general, we’re goddamn stubborn motherfuckers who refuse to die if we can help it. We are biologically programmed to scratch and claw our way to survival whenever we can, like some sort of aggressive computer virus. And I am not immune to this.

Oh, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m probably never going to get off this planet or see another life form ever again because, to be honest, this stupid, ugly, godforsaken wasteland is probably my best bet at keeping Blue hidden from Zarkon, which is my #1 priority at the moment. And leaving this planet without Blue is pretty much impossible unless I happen to stumble upon some hidden civilization with space travel capability. So yeah, I know I’m going to die here, on this planet, driven crazy by the storms and the cold, all alone. But not yet. Not if I can help it.

First things first, though: we gotta take care of this storm somehow. I can’t think with the wind constantly screeching around me. And if this is what the planet’s gonna be like all the time, then I need a better solution than to just deal with it and wait it out.

Maybe Blue has some way to block the noise or something? I could try fiddling with her wires? I wonder if there’s anything in here I could cut apart and use for insulation? I once used a whole bunch of old, thick blankets from the Garrison lost and found to soundproof the room Hunk and I were sharing from our crazy neighbors, but I don’t know if I have enough blankets to do the same now, even with all the stuff I took from the Castle. I’m not sure it would even work.

Ugh. I need sleep before I start deciding things.

I should be able to make ear plugs, at the very least. That’ll have to do for now.


	4. Blue Lion Log: Entry 4

So Blue and I have discovered a temporary solution to the whole going-insane-from-the-noise issue I talked about last time. Temporary because we’re not really sure how much power it’s going to drain from Blue just yet, and I really need to save as much power as possible to keep life support systems going. But hey, even if it lasts for only a few hours, it’s better than being overwhelmed by the constant noise 24/7. Or whatever the hour/day ratio is on this planet.

Basically, Blue’s gonna pull up the same shield we found her surrounded by way back when-- the same one you’ll probably come across whenever you happen to find Blue-- and I’m going to monitor what the shield does to Blue’s battery support over a period of an hour. If it doesn’t drain too much, I’ll just keep the shield up and go from there.

(It shouldn’t drain that much. I mean, considering Blue had that shield up for 10,000 years and still worked perfectly, a few days should be nothing.)

But yeah. That’s our plan.

So far it seems to be working. The shield’s been up for only a few minutes, and it looks like it’s blocking out the majority of the wind and ice. That howling sound is softer, at least. Still present, but distant unless I go outside and stand right next to the shield. And it’s kind of sad that I’m so relieved by that. But, in my defense, you’d be the same if all you’d been hearing for the past three days was that wind. Actually, if it took you as long to find Blue as I think it will, then you probably understand.

(Also, note to self: don’t go outside ever again. Even if it’s just for a minute. It’s cold as _ fuck. _ )

An unexpected benefit from this venture: the shield is apparently clearing up some of Blue’s scanners, for some unknown reason. Maybe because it’s keeping the wind from constantly swirling around and carrying off the signals. I don’t know, and right now I don’t care. I have a limited time to make use of this phenomena if the shields end up draining too much power, so I’ll just question the why and how of it all later.

Unfortunately, even with clear scanners we’re still not picking up any sort of life forms. But there  _ is  _ what looks like a cave not too far away from here. Blue isn’t too banged up, so I might try and fly her in that direction once the storm lets up a little. Getting into some sort of shelter would be  _ fantastic. _

And hey, Blue and I started our partnership in a cave. We might as well end in one as well.


	5. Blue Lion Log: Entry 5

It occurs to me that I never learned the name of this planet before crash landing here. My eternal home needs to have a name. 

I was thinking Hoth. You know, like that one planet in Star Wars? The really icy one, where Han and Luke had to spend the night inside their smelly Tauntaun to keep from freezing?

No?

Well, fuck that.  _ I _ like the name. I’m gonna stick with it.

 


	6. Blue Lion Log: Entry 6

Alright, so flying through a snowstorm? Bad idea. Flying through a snowstorm in a slightly damaged alien spaceship?  _ Really  _ bad idea. And not one I’m likely to try again anytime soon.

The good news is that Blue and I have finally made it to the cave. It might have taken us an extra day and several bumpy landings to get here, but we’re here. And man, I have never been more grateful for silence than I am right now. This cave is so large and deep it blocks out all the noise. It’s amazing.

It’s also slightly warmer in here, which I would be more excited about if some of those bumpy landings hadn’t happened, because, well, I uh… I think I might have fractured an ankle. Or at least twisted it. It’s been throbbing ever since that last crash, when Blue flipped over a hidden patch of rocks and landed on her back. Actually, the crash probably would have thrown me against the ceiling and caused a concussion if my leg hadn’t gotten caught against the control panels, so I guess that ended up being a good thing, but now I have  _ this  _ injury to deal with instead. I’ve already had to remove my boot and armor because it’s swelled up so much, and it’s all black and blue and ugly from bruising. Thankfully, I took some basic medical classes with the Garrison and put together a pretty good medical kit before leaving the Castle, so I was able to rig up a decent splint that should help with the healing. If it doesn’t… well, then that’s a different issue entirely.

Man, if Pidge and Hunk could see me now. They always teased me about taking those medical classes, saying I’d never need them. They teased me even more when we became paladins and learned about the Castle’s healing pods.

“All that time spent learning space medicine and you end up on the one ship that can heal everything,” they’d laugh. “You could’ve used that time to learn something useful. Maybe how to actually fly.”

(I know, right? Very funny.)

Well guys, guess who’s getting the last laugh! Whenever I get to the afterlife-- a long, long time from now, of course--I am so going to track you two down and rub this in your faces!

Now that I think about it, I haven’t really told you about Hunk or Pidge, have I? I mean I know I’ve mentioned them and how smart they are, but I didn’t really say much more than that. Which is kind of weird because they’ve been a huge part of my life for the past few years. You’d think I would have said more about them by now.

See, Pidge, Hunk, and I were all part of a team together at the academy, before we even found the lions and learned about Zarkon. Pidge was our communications officer and Hunk was our engineer, while I was assigned to be the pilot. It was kind of a lucky match up, especially since Hunk and I were already friends from earlier classes and Pidge was there to call out all my bullshit by being so much smarter than I could ever hope to be, but we did have a lot of issues working as a team sometimes.

Honestly, that might have been my fault. I’ve never really acknowledged it, but most of our team disagreements were about the stupid decisions I made during the training simulations. I’ll own up to that right now. I was so cocky and reckless and self-assured that it caused a lot of friction between the three of us, but I was too afraid to let my insecurities get the best of me that I just couldn’t stop myself. I was so determined not to get kicked out after working so hard just to get in. And I guess I wanted to prove to everyone that I was better than Keith as well. That I wouldn’t become another waste of resources. (That’s a story for another time though).

I kind of wish I had been more vulnerable with them now. Let them in just a bit more. I mean, Hunk was-- is-- my best friend, and even he didn’t know anything more than my homesickness. He didn’t know how scared I was, or how useless I felt, even after becoming a paladin. Especially after becoming a paladin.

Maybe if I had told at least one of them, we could have prevented some of what happened. Or at least delayed it.

It’s… difficult thinking about them, to be honest. Hunk would be devastated if he knew what I was going through. Even more so if he knew the tiny amount of food goo I’ve been eating every day. If the slightly loose fit of my body suit is anything to judge by, then I’ve probably lost some weight since crash landing here. And I’ll probably lose a lot more before I run out of food and start starving. I’m definitely going to be a sight to see in a few weeks, all wasted away, nothing more than skin and bones.

I’m going to have to find some way to stretch my rations or, even better, multiply them if I want to stay alive, but I have no idea where to start. Hunk’s the scavenger and cook of the group. If there’s anything edible here-- and I’m not sure there actually is, considering everything-- but if there is, he would’ve been able to track it down without issue.

Pidge would do one better and rig up some sort of food processor or replicator or something just from Blue’s spare parts, like the genius they are. Actually, Pidge would have been smart enough not to crash land here without some guarantee of getting back off, regardless of the situation that led to this.

I just wish they were here. Any of them. It’s so lonely on this planet, and, no offense, talking to you just isn’t the same as having an actual conversation. I’d even take Pidge’s sharp comments over all of this nothingness. Just so that I wasn’t alone.


	7. Blue Lion Log: Entry 7

You know, being stuck out here kind of reminds me of that time I took a summer survival class with the academy and got shipped out to the research outpost in Antarctica: cold, boring, and lonely as fuck.

Honestly. There’s no other way to describe it. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and being stranded here is basically like reliving all those months out on the ice, except this time I at least have a giant, robotic, alien Lion ship to keep me company, whereas back then I had no one. I was all on my own.

I mean, true, there were other people taking the survival class at the Antarctic outpost as well, but they were all a year older than me and in the fighter class at the academy and didn’t seem to think talking to me, the lone cargo pilot trying to work his way up the ranks, was worth their time, so it’s not like I could rely on them. I had to fend for myself in the survival exercises more often than not, so it was pretty much the same situation I’m facing now.

In case you don’t know, Antarctica is this giant stretch of ice at the south pole of Earth, which, at least during the months we were stationed there, is the coldest part of the planet. I’m talking about snow storms and darkness and temperatures well below freezing pretty much all day, every day. It’s the epitome of a hostile environment, and not somewhere I’d ever willingly go back to.

(Joke’s on me though, I guess, since this planet is  _ nearly identical to that hellhole,  _ just on a  _ much larger scale.  _ Why, oh why, did I decide to land here? Why not a nice, warm planet with a pretty beach? I could handle that.)

Anyways, this was just a few weeks after the Kerberos crew went missing, around the same time Keith had the violent outburst that got him kicked out of the Garrison entirely. The higher ups hadn’t yet decided which cargo pilot would take Keith’s place in the fighter class, and I was trying to get in good with the instructors by volunteering for the survival class during the time the rest of my peers were on vacation, which ended up being a terrible mistake on my part. And not just because of where we ended up.

I don’t know if it was because of a recent spike in crew mishaps, or because they’d just recently lost Shiro-- their best and brightest-- to Kerberos’s icy surface, or maybe some combination of the two, but whatever it was that influenced the higher ups, it caused them to reevaluate pretty much all of their courses, including the survival one. And by “reevaluate,” I mean “make a million times more difficult.”

Really though. Like I had talked to some of the older students that had taken the course before signing up myself, and all of them said it’d be fun and easy and totally possible to complete as only a second year student. That wasn’t the case at all.

Once the instructors got us to Antarctica, they pretty much threw us straight into the arctic wilderness with only a small pack of supplies and an emergency beacon each, leaving us to figure things out. A trial by fire, so to say. Or, I guess, by ice.

I was lucky. For some reason I’d had the foresight to wear several extra layers of clothing onto the transport ship while the rest of the cadets just wore their uniforms. Guess they figured they’d get their coats and stuff at the base, like normal. I wasn’t that smart.

Of course, I felt smug as hell when the instructors dropped us off a couple miles from the base and told us to find our own way there.

“Your ship crash landed on an unknown, ice-covered planet and this was all you could salvage from the wreck,” Professor Montgomery yelled over the snow storm. He seemed to be smiling in sadistic glee. Or, at least, that’s how it seemed to me at the time. “The base is north. You have five hours to reach it. Use your emergency beacon if you get into trouble. But know that if you use it, or if you fail to show up on time, you’ll be starting this course with a failing grade. Not where you want to be, cadets.”

He wished us luck, and then flew off with the other instructors to the Garrison base, safe and warm inside the metal ship while all of us poor souls froze our asses off.

In Montgomery’s defense, the packs did all contain insulated coats, gloves, and protective goggles, so it wasn’t like we were left completely defenseless to the environment. But we all learned that day that insulated coats do nothing against an Antarctic snowstorm unless combined with several layers of thermal clothing. Which I happened to be wearing.

Score 1 for Lance.

Actually, maybe that first experience was one of the reasons the older cadets refused to talk to or help me in any way unless forced during the rest of the course. Maybe they thought I’d been told ahead of time what we’d be facing and so had unfair advantage going in. I mean, a good half of them ended up pushing their emergency beacons and taking a failing grade within the first hour while I managed to actually get to the base; half-frozen, but on time. That probably left them feeling pretty bitter about the whole thing as they scrambled to save their terrible grade, so it’s no wonder they left me to take care of myself. Kind of a ‘if-he’s-so-good-then-he-doesn’t-need-our-help’ type thing.

Or they just really hated having to babysit the inexperienced cadet, because after that first exercise things just kind of seemed to go downhill for me. Not enough to make me fail the course or anything, but enough that I’d basically be a burden to whatever group got stuck with me. Either one is possible.

I don’t really remember why I’m telling you all of this, but the point is this planet is really fucking similar to that god-awful ice wasteland called Antarctica, and I really, really hate it. Know I can survive it for as long as my food holds out, but still hate it.

God. What a place to eventually die, right? Just my luck.

I just hope I can remember all of the survival skills that class forced into me, because I have a feeling I’m gonna need them really soon.


	8. Blue Lion Log: Entry 8

Ugh, I’m going to die of boredom before I even come close to running out of food. I should have brought along some card games from the Castle or something. 

Do Alteans even play card games?

 


	9. Blue Lion Log: Entry 9

So. Weird thing that just happened. 

I was outside the cave a few minutes ago-- taking advantage of the rare break in snowstorms to get some fresh air and test out how my leg is healing and all of that (which it’s totally healed thanks to my expert medical skills; take _ that _ Pidge and Hunk)-- and as I was looking up at the darkening sky, this large streak of light comes cutting through the atmosphere. Like a meteor or something.

I mean, clearly that’s what I thought it was at first. Meteors are kind of commonplace no matter what planet you end up on. Some more than others. There’s this one planet way back on the other side of the universe that experiences widespread meteor showers almost every single night. Of course, the natives don’t really make that much of a big deal about them. It’s so normal to them that they just don’t care about the brilliant streaks. But boy, were those meteor showers beautiful. Keith and I sat outside watching them for hours, just kind of soaking in the beauty. Marvelling at how the flashes of light filled the black, night sky.

This thing looked just like one of those meteors, if not slightly bigger and brighter. Nothing to be alarmed or excited over.

_ That’s cool,  _ I thought.  _ A meteor. Glad I got to see at least one more of those before I die.  _ And then I just kind of moved on with my life because, you know, it’s a meteor. Cool, but nothing truly special or anything.

Um. Well. Turns out that “meteor” might be a bigger deal than I originally thought, actually.

This is where the weirdness kind of comes in. See, after it passed by I decided it was time to go back inside the cave and get something to eat, or maybe fiddle with Blue’s spare parts and see if I could rig something up, but as soon as I got inside the cave, Blue’s alarms started going off. And I mean really going off. Loud and obnoxious and demanding.

Obviously, that kind of clued me in that something strange was going on. So I went inside Blue’s cockpit and tried to figure what had got Blue all upset. It had to be something important or else Blue wouldn’t have reacted that way, right?

I saw what was happening as soon as I walked in, because all the screens in the cockpit showed Blue’s scanners going absolutely crazy. Not something I’ve experienced a lot of since landing on this planet due to all the wind and snow and such, as you well know. So the first thing I could think of was to pilot Blue outside and kind of follow the scanners to whatever they were picking up. I mean it’s a clear day, and it’s not like I have anything to lose.

Actually, I’m outside right now, facing due west, where I saw whatever that was come streaking through the sky. Blue’s alarms are going  _ insane.  _ She seems kind of agitated too. Like it’s not often that I’m able to feel Blue’s actual emotions come through our connection, or whatever it is that ties us together, but right now it’s coming through really strong. A mixture of curiosity, excitement, and wariness, for some reason. I’m not really sure what to make of it.

But back to the issue at hand. I’m not certain about any of this but my best guess is that it has to do with what I saw earlier, and that thing I thought was a meteor at first is actually something else entirely. Maybe an escape pod from some ship outside our orbit. Or a large piece of debris I can use to construct something important. Like a shelter, or even a food replicator. I’m not going to delude myself into thinking it might be more supplies, but that’d be incredible if it is, right? Exactly what I need. Like someone’s looking out for me and making sure I stay alive.

I will take almost anything at this point though. Anything except maybe a Galra probe, because that would just make this whole terrible situation completely pointless. I’ll have suffered all of this for nothing.

It’s getting dark out though, and I’m not really comfortable with flying across unknown terrain at night, so whatever it is will have to wait until tomorrow, or whenever the next clear day comes around. Definitely not going to fly across the planet in a snowstorm. Flying a few miles to the cave through a snowstorm was bad enough. I’ve learned my lesson. 


	10. Blue Lion Log: Entry 10

Good news: another clear day, so I can chase whatever it was that fell yesterday to my heart’s content. At least until the next storm blows in and I have to find a stopping point. But at least I know Blue’s shields will work if I can’t get back to the cave, or find some other sort of cover, so I’ll be safe from the weather no matter what happens.

Bad news: whatever it is that fell yesterday, it’s further away than I originally assumed. Like… a lot further away. Several thousand miles further. So it’s going to take a lot longer to reach than I was hoping. And after getting so much clear weather at once, I’m not sure how much longer my luck will hold out.

Good news: because it’s further away, it means whatever fell is a lot bigger than a simple escape pod or piece of debris. Might actually be a whole ship! Maybe with survivors! Or better yet, supplies! I could really, really use some more supplies. Like, really use supplies. I’ll even eat crappy Galra protein bars if I need to. Anything to extend my supply.

Bad news: More survivors mean conversation, but they also mean way less food for me. Which means I’ll probably die a lot sooner than I’ve been calculating. Especially if the ship doesn’t come with extra supplies. Which I really hope it does. But also, if it really is a ship, it could turn out to be a Galra ship. And that’s not good in any way, shape, or form for me. Not if I intend to keep Blue hidden and safe from Zarkon.

So really, it’s a mix of good and bad here. Looking at it objectively, I can’t decide whether I should take the risk or go hide safe and sound back in my cave.

Thankfully, I’m not objective. And the possibility of either extending my life or getting some actual, living company outweighs almost every downside. Except the getting found by Zarkon one, which just means I’ll have to be careful when actually approaching whatever it is.

But that’s no problem! I can be sneaky! I’m pretty good at that.


	11. Blue Lion Log: Entry 11

It.

 

Um.

 

Well. It… definitely wasn’t a meteor. 


	12. Blue Lion Log: Entry 12

I guess I should probably update you on the situation now.

So, the thing I thought was a meteor at first? Well. It turned out to be a ship. A Galra ship. Specifically, one of the little fighter jets that are always so annoying to deal with during battle.

I recognized it pretty easily, even from a distance. I mean, the Galra kind of have a distinct style and color scheme to everything they make. Very pointy, very shiny. And all that black and grey they like to use? Yeah, it really sticks out against the white snow, like some giant, neon sign announcing “Galra here! Run for your lives!”

The minute that ship came into view, I backed right up and found a good outcropping of rocks to hide Blue behind. I wanted to see what the ship was doing here, and if it carried any soldiers I needed to be worried about, but I wasn’t about to risk Blue just to get a closer look. Keeping her hidden was the smartest decision I could make in that situation. At least until I knew more about what I was dealing with.

The best thing was that, even behind all the boulders and snowbanks, Blue could get a pretty decent picture of the crash site-- clear enough that I could see if any soldiers emerged or not without having to hike my way to a closer position. A real stroke of luck since my leg is still recovering from that crash a week or so ago. Like, it’s healed, but it’s still pretty sore and weak. And while my medical skills have proven to be pretty awesome so far, but I doubt they’re good enough to help my leg withstand the sort of pressure a long, arduous hike would put on it. I’m not  _ that  _ talented.

So with Blue in a good position, I magnified the camera’s picture as much as possible and settled in to wait for any sign of movement.

And I waited.

  
  


And waited.

  
  
  
  


And waited.

  
  
  


There was nothing for a good four hours. Not a single bit of movement. And no changes in the Galra ship to suggest people were inside either. It was like an empty ship had somehow managed to fall right through Hoth’s atmosphere, which is completely impossible. It would have at least needed a pilot of some sort to get close enough for the planet’s gravity to suck the ship in, so there had to be someone in the fighter jet. There was no other possibility. 

But with the lack of movement, it seemed likely that whoever the pilot was died at some point after they entered the atmosphere. My guess was that the impact of the crash killed them. After all, the ship was stuck nose-deep in a thick buildup of ice. Not exactly the softest landing spot.

Just in case, I gave it one more hour of wary observation before deciding there was no immediate threat and carefully inching Blue across the ice to the crash site. And still, there was no change. Not even when I brought Blue alongside the ship and then hopped out into the frigid air to get a good glance inside.

I cried out loudly when I saw who had been piloting the ship. I couldn’t help it. Can anyone be expected to stay calm when they look inside an enemy’s spacecraft and see their best friend passed out in the pilot’s seat?

For a few terrifying moments, before I managed to pry the ship open, tear off a glove, and press two fingers against the pulse point of his neck, I thought Hunk might have been dead. He certainly looked pretty lifeless, and he was covered in so many cuts and bruises that I had very little hope of finding any signs of life.

But no. There, beneath my fingers, was a pulse. An extremely weak one, but a pulse nonetheless.

It was the closest I’ve ever come to crying since I crash landed on Hoth and realized I’m going to die here.

Hunk is here. He’s  _ here.  _ And, even more incredibly, he’s  _ alive. _

I thought for sure I’d never see him again. That I’d be the last paladin alive after the Galra captured him and Pidge all those months ago. They hadn’t hesitated in killing Shiro once they got their hands--paws-- whatever on him, and I saw no reason they’d treat Hunk and Pidge any differently. But Hunk is here. Against all odds, he managed to escape and somehow find me.

I’m shaking, just thinking about it. Every time I look back at the seat behind me and see him there, I get all teary-eyed and emotional, which I know isn’t exactly the manliest thing but  _ fuck  _ that _. My best friend is alive.  _ I think that deserves some happy crying, don’t you?

There’s so much planning to do, and repairs to make, and possibilities to ponder. I mean Hunk brought a whole new ship we might be able to repair enough to get us off this planet. Hunk’s good at that sort of thing. He’ll know what we need to do.

Or maybe! If Hunk escaped, Pidge did too! Maybe we can take Blue and go find them! And then the three of us could figure out a way to get the green and yellow lions back from the Galra and we’d have a fighting chance again! I mean, obviously we’d still need to find Keith and the black lion, and I’d have to take over as the red paladin once more while Allura pilots Blue, but it’s not a baseless hope anymore! There’s a chance now! A real, actual chance!

I’m trying not to think too much about all of that for the moment though. Hunk still needs a lot of care, and there’s a lot of information he’ll have to fill me in on before we can start going overboard with ideas and hopes. My task right now is to give him the best medical treatment I can and hope he’ll wake up soon. Only then will we know where to go from here.

Oh god, but imagine getting to leave this place for good. No more snowstorms, no more caves, no more rationed food goo. It’d be a dream come true! I can already imagine the warmth of my bed back at the Castle. And all the gourmet alien meals Hunk and Coran could cook up. Downtime spent with the other paladins in the training deck, or working on our lions, or laying around. Just being together.

That’s the best part of all of it: no more solitude! I wouldn’t be alone anymore! I’d have Hunk and Pidge again! And Allura and Coran! I’d have  _ Keith! _

It’s too good. It’s too beautiful a dream to be real, but I can’t help but hope. I keep worrying I’m going to wake up any second and find out none of this happened. That it really was just a meteor and not a Galra ship piloted by my best friend. That I really am the last paladin.

And if that’s the case, if this really  _ is  _ a dream, if it will all disappear with the blink of an eye, then I don’t wake up at all. No matter what that means for me. I can’t go back to being alone and hungry and afraid. I’d rather just keep dreaming this dream forever.


	13. Blue Lion Log: Entry 13

Two days with no change. Hunk’s still passed out and not really responding to anything except the small bits of food goo I try to give him every couple of hours. I don’t dare try to give him more in case he throws it back up or something. I don’t know what he’s been through or how the Galrans were treating him, and I don’t want to accidentally aggravate his stomach or anything.

Also, it’s not like he’s actually waking up to eat. He’s still completely passed out, but he’ll respond to me spoon-feeding him by trying to swallow. I’m afraid anything more than the little bits I’m giving him now will make him choke.

I’m worried about him. I mean, I guess it’s a good sign that he’s been eating, right? But he hasn’t regained consciousness in two or three days. Maybe longer. I have no idea how long he was out of it before I found him, and it’s making me nervous. My basic medical class never really covered things like this. What if he goes into a coma? What if he has internal bleeding? What am I supposed to do to help him?

Hopefully Hunk is just healing though. Hopefully he’ll wake up soon and we can figure all this out. Hopefully I’m just worried for nothing.


	14. Blue Lion Log: Entry 14

I guess I never told you how I got separated from the other paladins, huh? Or why I’m out here hiding on this godforsaken planet?

I’ll be honest with you, talking about all of this is… well, it’s not fun. Brings up a lot of painful memories and things I don’t want to think about or acknowledge. Probably why I never actually mentioned it before in the first place. But it’s easier now, I guess, with Hunk only a few feet away from me and not dead like I presumed. Still painful, but not as hopeless.

See, the thing is, things went really badly for Voltron this past year. And I mean  _ really  _ badly. Like catastrophic levels of bad. So bad I don’t even know where to begin.

I mean, I guess the best place to begin is when… when we lost Shiro. That was just… it was a terrible blow to our team. He was our leader. Our foundation. Our guiding force. And then suddenly… suddenly that was all gone and we had no clue what to do.

I think Keith was the worst of us all. They were really close, after all. Shiro had been Keith’s mentor and friend since our days at the Garrison academy, so close that Keith considered him to be something of a father figure. Or at least an older brother. Someone he could finally rely on after years and years of having no one at all.

We’d all been separated for a second time due to yet another unstable wormhole prior to Shiro’s death, so it’s not like any of us actually knew what had happened until several days after the event, when Keith returned to the Castle piloting Shiro’s lion and carrying Red in Black’s jaws. It took a while to coax him out. He wouldn’t even let me up to talk to him. And when he did finally emerge, he simply collapsed onto the floor of the Castle in a sobbing heap, barely able to get the words out between his wet gasps.

The universe, of course, with all of its impartial benevolence, had made sure Keith would bear witness to the murder of the one person he truly considered family.

I don’t know the full story, honestly-- only Keith knows what actually happened on that planet they landed on, and only he knows what Shiro’s last words and expressions were-- but I do know this: Shiro’s death broke something in Keith. Something none of us could fix. Something that took our situation from bad to worse before we could do anything to stop it.

Without Shiro, Keith took over as the pilot of the black lion, while I became Red’s pilot and Allura took over my spot with Blue. It wasn’t an ideal arrangement, but it’s all we had to go on. Red wouldn’t allow anyone except Keith or me into her cockpit, and while Allura could have easily taken Shiro’s spot as the black paladin, she was far too important to put into that sort of position. Being Black’s pilot would only make her more of a target. That’s something we couldn’t let happen.

But, well, maybe it would have been better if Allura had been the black paladin. Maybe we wouldn’t have gotten into the situation we soon found ourselves in. Maybe our team wouldn’t have collapsed the way it did.

We got a distress call that day from one of the planets we’d allied with only a few weeks prior. Something about their military fleet getting annihilated and Zarkon stealing terrifying quantities of the planet’s quintessence? Allura didn’t even listen to the full message before she set course for the system, and we didn’t argue. We all just ran to our hangars and prepared to fight as soon as we reached our destination.

When we got there, we found the situation even more dire than we had anticipated. The planet, from what I could see, was all brown and cracked: not at all the way it had been when we had visited earlier. It was a planet filled with lush, purple forests and segmented by the vast rivers that flowed from one pole to the other in uninterrupted, but twisting paths. All of that now was gone. Killed off and left to rot, and all of its inhabitants either killed or left to starve along with it. We couldn’t know for sure.

Even worse was the amount of Galra ships surrounding the planet. The vastness of Zarkon’s fleet equaled what we had encountered when we rescued Allura from Central Command, if not even more. As soon as we jumped into the fray, we were overwhelmed by all fighter jets coming at us from every side.

We couldn’t get into a position where we could form Voltron, and I could tell that was just killing Keith inside. It was in the tone of his commands, the frustrated edge that only appeared when something wasn’t working out the way he’d planned. He’d change his mind every couple of minutes when it became clear his commands weren’t getting us anywhere, and eventually it just got to him. Made him more reckless than he should have been. So when Zarkon entered the fight himself and gave Keith the chance to fight him once again, Keith took it without a second thought.

It was a bad idea. I  _ knew  _ it was a bad idea, and I told Keith as much. I warned him not to handle this alone and reminded him what had happened the last time he faced down Zarkon, but he didn’t listen. That stubborn, reckless, glorious idiot brushed off my warnings and went after Zarkon anyways.

“I have to do this,” he told me. “I have to end this before anyone else gets hurt. Just watch my back. I’ll take care of this.”

And I tried to do as he said. I really, really did. I kept as many of the Galran ships away from Keith as I possibly could, but it became harder and harder as the battle waged on and Keith flew further away. Like Zarkon was luring him away from the battle, from the other paladins, from anyone that might have been able to get in the way.

I realized too late that was exactly what Zarkon was doing.

By the time I noticed-- by the time any of us noticed-- Keith had gotten caught in a tractor beam and taken aboard Zarkon’s flagship. Somewhere we couldn’t follow. Not without a plan.

We retreated and regrouped as soon as we could and started discussing what to do. How to respond now that Zarkon held the black lion in the palm of his hand.

I’ll admit, I probably pushed the rest of the team too quickly into action. I was too anxious and restless to sit around and think up a proper plan. I mean, we had already lost Shiro to the Galra because we hadn’t been there to help, and I was determined we wouldn’t lose Keith or the black lion to the same fate. Especially not Keith. The very thought made me frantic.But I guess my determination backfired on me. We ended up launching a rescue mission without a solid plan, and ended up losing far more than what we gained because, in my haste, I had forgotten the most crucial bit of our dilemma: Zarkon was the black lion’s original paladin. He could pilot the black lion just as well as we could pilot our own.

Zarkon didn’t even need a fleet to separate us when we went charging in to rescue Keith. Obviously we couldn’t form Voltron without the black lion on our side, and it only took a few, well-aimed shots to get the rest of us to scatter. He basically herded us into position and then had the two ships he’d brought with him set their tractor beams on us.

Pidge and Hunk got caught. They got captured. And I would have been too if not for Allura’s quick thinking. She used Blue’s sonic cannon to damage the tractor beam and then opened a wormhole for us to escape. All the way across to the other side of the universe, where Zarkon couldn’t find us. And then she sent me to hide.

It was the only option left after that disaster of a rescue mission. Zarkon had gotten three of the five lions, any more and he would be completely unstoppable. We had to give the universe as much of a fighting chance as we could.

Allura locked the red lion in the Castle the same way King Alfor had locked the black lion away. Then she and Coran put themselves back into a cryogenic sleep while I took Blue and all the supplies I could gather and found my way here, to the closest planet that could hide Blue’s signals from Zarkon.

I had prepared myself to die here at some point. I knew what had happened to the other paladins, the ones that had piloted Voltron when Zarkon first attacked and hid away where he could never find them. I knew their fate was what awaited me here, and I had accepted it. I had mourned and denied and then resigned myself to this place. I made Hoth my home.

And then


	15. Blue Paladin: Audio Log 1

“Ughhhhhh.”

“Hunk! Buddy! Are you awake? Can you hear me? Speak to me, pal!”

“Hurts.”

“What hurts? No, don’t move. I got you. Just stay with me.”

“Where am I? Who-- Lance?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me, pal. I’m right here.”

“Lance! Lance, I have to--”

“Hold on! Take it easy there. Just lay back down before you hurt yourself more.”

“I have to… tell you. Keith. He’s Galran.”

“Yeah, I know. We figured that out a long time ago, remember?”

“No, that’s not-- I didn’t mean the DNA thing. I mean, he’s on their side. He _joined_ them.”

“That’s impossible. How hard did you hit your head?”

“Lance, listen to me. I’m not kidding. He’s working with Zarkon now, as one of his commanders.”

“Hunk, that’s crazy. Keith wouldn’t-- he would never--”

“He did though.”

“No. I _know_ him. He wouldn’t do this. We’re his friends. His family! He’d never turn his back on us. He’d never turn his back on _me._ ”

“Lance. He’s not the Keith that you know anymore.”


	16. Blue Lion Log: Entry 15

It can’t be true. It just can’t be. Hunk must be mistaken, because there’s no way that he would… that Keith could… No. Never. He would never.

We’re his family!  _ I’m  _ his family. He would never leave us like this. He promised! He  _ told  _ me he’d never leave me. That he’d always have my back. That we’d someday return home and be together. He  _ promised. _

I have to believe in that. Because if I don’t…

If I don’t…


	17. Blue Lion Log: Entry 16

Update:

Hunk is awake, and it seems he’ll make a full recovery. It was easier to fix him up with him telling me where and how he was hurting. Thankfully, his injuries are mostly bruising and what appears to be a sprained wrist, but that’s easy to bounce back from. It won’t hold him down for long.

He’s been catching me up on what happened to him and Pidge after they got captured. Apparently they were separated from their lions and sent to a different ship pretty quickly. The Galrans probably didn’t want to risk them breaking out and taking the lions, because they totally would have. Of that, I have no doubt.

Hunk was the only one to get away though. Pidge managed to hack through their cell door and get Hunk into the hangar with the fighter jets, but the Galrans caught on too quickly. Pidge held them off while Hunk escaped. Him finding his way here, to the planet I’d made my own, was pure luck though. He’d just been looking for a place to hide and found me instead. So I guess the universe is still looking out for him, at the very least.

And I… I’ve been better.

Right now, I’m just a little bit of wreck, trying to hold myself together by the thinnest of strings. I can’t afford to fall apart here, even if that’s all I really want to do. Just crumble to the ground and sob. Lose myself in the pain. Let all of the fear and the anger and the sorrow consume me so I don’t have to think about anything beyond this moment. So I don’t have to picture yet another future without Keith by my side.

I still can’t believe Keith’s switched sides on us. I just… it doesn’t make sense to me. He’d said he never would, that he might have some Galra DNA but it would never change his mind, that he couldn’t ever condone what Zarkon was doing. And I  _ trusted  _ him. Like with every other promise Keith made, I trusted him, because I’m young and naive and stupid, and stupidly in love with this reckless boy that I stupidly thought might love me back.

I can’t believe that was a lie though.That everything we went through-- all those nights spent curled together, mapping each other’s skin in silent reverence; those mornings spent just drinking each other in, pressing lazy kisses against every freckle, every scar, every inch of bare skin we could get our hands on; the overwhelming relief at seeing each other alive and whole after a dangerous mission; the days when Keith would tackle me onto our bed and not allow me to leave until he was practically glowing from satisfaction-- was all a lie.

Maybe I was just easily duped. It wouldn’t be the first time. But, in this case, that doesn’t make sense to me either. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that Keith and I had a very rocky start to our relationship, and that for the first year and a half of knowing him I didn’t trust him at all. In fact, I didn’t want anything to do with him except to kick his ass.

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Keith was at the Garrison academy at the same time Hunk and I were. He was fighter class; the class I wanted to be in but didn’t have the grades to achieve until Keith got kicked out. I was insanely jealous of him for the longest time. I wanted everything that seemed to come so naturally to him: the position, the skills, the admiration of both classmates and instructors. And maybe I was a horrible person back then, but all I could think when I heard the news about Keith was “thank god” and “finally,” even though I knew exactly why Keith had gotten the boot.

Everyone knew, to be honest. It’s not like Keith had secretly broken into Garrison files or anything, like someone else I know. No, there was no way even the Garrison could keep Keith’s theft of a fighter jet secret, especially after they brought him in for a disciplinary hearing and he chastised all the commanders for just leaving Shiro to die out there. For not even attempting to retrieve him or his crew.

I still remember the indignant echo of Keith’s voice in the academy’s auditorium, where the officers had called all the cadets to witness the punishment of their prodigy pilot. He’d stood before the officers, shoulders back and chin lifted in defiance, and calmly listed every infraction of procedure and every way the Garrison had failed Shiro’s crew while the officers sat dumbfounded.

“How could you let them down this way?” Keith had demanded as the officers stared in silent shock. They’d meant to make an example of him, but ended up being made into fools. I, grudgingly, admired him for that.

But even then, even knowing why he’d been kicked out and respecting what he’d done, I’d still been so glad to be rid of him the next year. I thought I’d finally be able to prove myself with Keith, the Garrison’s little darling, out of the way.

At least, I thought that way until I started failing all my classes, and then I hated Keith even more for setting such high expectations that I’d never be able to reach.

Not exactly the best way to begin a relationship, right? Or even a friendship. There were a lot of negative feelings there that took a very long time to go away. Even after several months of being paladins together, any time I saw Keith I couldn’t help but think of him as that rival from my Garrison days, of how much I wanted to beat him and be seen as better than him. I wouldn’t let him close at all, even when he started making attempts at getting to know me better.

So you see, it wouldn’t have been easy to trick me into caring with that much bad blood between us, regardless of whether Keith felt the same animosity or not. If Keith’s interest, if his concern and care, hadn’t been genuine back then, I would have realized. I wouldn’t have let myself thaw to his attempts. I wouldn’t have let myself grow to care.

No, whatever decision that led to Keith joining the Galra must have occurred after he and I had settled our disputes, when I might have possibly been blinded by my concern for him. But I can’t quite believe that either, because once I started caring, once I allowed myself to accept the feelings I had for him, Keith was all I could think about. My every sense seemed to be tuned into and filtered through him and how he viewed our situation.

I just can’t figure out where everything went wrong. What was it that I missed? Was there something happening that I just didn’t pick up on? That I didn’t see? That I could have fixed?

The only possibility I can think of is that at some point after Shiro died, when Keith was at his absolute lowest, he started changing. Started thinking and seeing things differently, but in such a subtle way that it got lost in the rest of the wreckage that he was. After all, there were so many other pieces of him I was trying to pick up and glue back together. This change in his thinking might have completely slipped past me, left to grow and fester until all that was left was this. This Keith that I don’t know or understand.

Hunk says… Hunk says he’s working as a commander under Zarkon now. Or maybe a lieutenant commander. Someone with a decent amount of power and access to a whole bunch of Galra fighter jets that he can order into battle while he stays safe in the command ship.

That doesn’t sound like my Keith though. My Keith would never pass up a chance to fly, even if that chance involves flying straight into the heart of battle. He wouldn’t even stop to think about it, he’d just go. My Keith would make himself the first in line while the rest of us just tried to catch up. He’d take on half the battle’s burden just by himself. He’d never ask anyone else to do what he himself wasn’t willing to.

My Keith never would have left us in the first place.

I guess, in that sense, Hunk was right. This isn’t the Keith I know. This Keith, this new Galran soldier, isn’t my Keith. Was never my Keith. Will never again be my Keith. And I just have to accept that fact and let him go. Let him become our enemy instead.

But god, it’s so difficult. And knowing he’s alive but out of reach makes it even worse. Somehow the unknown of captivity and the assumption that Keith was dead was easier to bear, because at least then I didn’t have to worry about eventually facing him in battle. I could treasure the moments we had together without having to analyze them all. Without doubting the one thing I’d thought I’d gotten right in this life. This is tearing a jagged hole right through my chest. It feels like all of me is just bleeding out and freezing over on the snow floor of our cave. I just want the pain to stop.

How do you forget someone you love? How do you force your heart to stop caring? How do you let go of your other half?


	18. Blue Lion Log: Entry 17

Hunk thinks we might be better off leaving this planet and hunting down the Castle. Mostly because of our dwindling food situation, but also because the Galrans are eventually going to follow the emergency signal of that ship Hunk stole out here, and then they’ll inevitably find this cave we’re hiding in. They’ll find us, and they’ll find my lion, and then the universe will  _ really  _ be in some deep shit. 

We can’t let that happen, no matter what. Hunk might still be healing from his crash, and I might still be a complete wreck of emotional baggage, but we can’t stay here and recuperate any longer. We have to get off this planet and back to the Castle. The sooner the better.

Obviously, we’re going to need to take Blue with us. She’s still pretty wrecked from my first crash landing on this planet, and then from those crashes that happened on my way to this cave, so she isn’t exactly space-ready. But thankfully, I have Hunk, who’s always been our team’s chief mechanic, and while he can’t do the physical work himself due to his injuries, he can still tell  _ me _ what to do. Between the two of us, we’ll get Blue back up and running in no time.

It’s nice having something to do with my hands, to be honest. Keeps me distracted for most of the day, and then when night comes I’m usually too exhausted to do anything but sleep. No thinking, no dreaming, just a deep, peaceful oblivion until it’s time to wake up and repeat the cycle.

Hunk worries that I’m working myself too hard, that I’m going to burn myself out before we can even leave this planet, and he might be right about that. But truthfully, working like this is the only way I can keep moving forward right now. It’s the only way I can cope with everything that’s happened.

I mean, when your partner, the person you loved and trusted above all others, who had your back and fought alongside you through thick and thin, suddenly turns their back on you to join the group you always fought against, it hits you pretty hard. It’s a lot to process, to come to terms with. I’m not even sure it’s something you can eventually accept or understand. It’s too much of a betrayal.

But now isn’t the time to wallow in such feelings. There’s too much to do, and not enough time to do it all. So I’ll keep my hands busy and my pain locked away, and someday I’ll cope with it properly. Today just isn’t that day.


	19. Blue Lion Log: Entry 18

Thinking about it, I guess I’ve never really appreciated this planet in all the time I’ve been down here. I’ve been grateful for the cover it’s provided from Zarkon, sure, but then I’ve also repeatedly called it a hell hole and a wasteland. And it  _ is.  _ I still hold to that assessment. But I guess it also has its good points. Its own brand of beauty on those days when storms aren’t ravaging its surface and making everything miserable. 

Keith would have liked it here. Probably. He’s never seen snow, having lived in warm, southern climates for most of his life. And, now that I think about it, none of the other planets we’ve visited so far have had anything that resembled snow. Rain, sure. Hail, sometimes. But never snow. The closest we’ve gotten is that ice planet Pidge discovered a while back, but that was just a planet coated almost entirely in ice. And that’s no substitute for true, pure, quality snow.

The snow here, on a sunny day, is absolutely perfect. It’s completely white and powdery and it sparkles like mad in the sunlight. For miles and miles all around, white is all you can see, stretching to the horizon, past where your eyes can see. Clean and smooth and untouched.

It reminds me a lot of this one winter, right before I enlisted in Galaxy Garrison, when my family took a vacation to this old snow lodge in Kirkwood. One of the only times my family ever got to vacation together, and at the only place we could afford. I mean, it’s a pretty run down place. Doesn’t even qualify to be called a “resort” anymore with how old and outdated it is compared to all the new resorts out in Colorado and Alaska and such. The nice thing about it though was that it wasn’t crowded or filled with tourist shops or anything. Hardly anyone visited that area anymore, so the place was almost deserted, and the landscape was pretty much untouched. It was nice. Quiet, peaceful, close to nature.

I mean, I’ll admit right now that I’m way more of a city guy than a country one, but there was just something about that mountain and its bright, powdery snow. Something raw and wild and beautiful. And that’s the kind of feeling the snow here on Hoth gives me. All that’s missing is the actual mountain and all the pine trees, and then it would almost be like I was back in Kirkwood, simply enjoying a vacation with my family instead of fighting to survive out here in an unfamiliar galaxy.

You know, I wanted to introduce Keith to snow when all of this was over with, when we finally went back home and stopped being paladins. I had this whole plan where we’d recuperate for a few weeks with my family (because I wanted them to meet him too and love him as much as I do) and then we’d just backpack our way around the world for a while. I mean, neither of us are really meant to stay in one place for too long, especially after all this time of hopping around the universe, and there are just so many things in the world we’ve never experienced. So we’d explore the world and appreciate the things that make it so unique in this universe, and eventually we’d make it to the mountains where Keith could see the beautiful, untouched snow.

Trying to imagine how he’d react was always my favorite thing to do when everything else seemed to be going wrong. It’s not like he’s unemotional or detached, like Pidge seems to think. Quite the opposite, actually; he’s ridiculously passionate, in a quiet sort way. But it’s not often that he’ll show surprise or childish wonder. I coveted the chance to see him grow speechless and slack-jawed from seeing the snow, his dark eyes wide in awe. I cherished the possibility of playing around and throwing snowballs at him, watching him laugh without reserve as we flung snow at each other, seeing the white flakes cling to his black hair and the red flush in his cheeks.

I wanted that. More than anything, I wanted that moment. That closeness. That simple peace.

I guess now I’ll never get it. Maybe I’ll get to return to Earth and go backpacking like I wanted, and that’s honestly a huge improvement on my situation from just a week ago, but well. Keith isn’t going to be with me. And if Keith’s not there, I won’t ever get those moments. I won’t  _ want  _ those moments. They’ll just be meaningless without him.

It’s too bad we never landed on a planet like this one before everything went to shit. If we had, I could have at least had that memory to somewhat satisfy myself, even if it wasn’t exactly as I planned. I just wanted to be there with him, and to share that moment of discovery and wonder. That’s all I wanted.

Why does the universe have to be so unfair? Haven’t we suffered enough?


	20. Blue Lion Log: Entry 19

Hunk is an actual genius!!!!

Not that I didn’t already know that or doubted it or anything. It’s just a fact that bears repeating. Especially today, because today, after a week of frustration and repairs, we finally got Blue all patched up and ready to leave this planet! And, of course, when I say ‘we’ I really just mean Hunk, because he’s the one that figured all this out. I just did what he told me to.

Point is, thanks to Hunk, we are now ready to leave this planet and start seeking out the Castle. Just as soon as we get another clear day of weather. Or even just a clear hour. As long as we have an hour, we can get off the ground and out of the atmosphere and we’ll be just fine.


	21. Blue Lion Log: Entry 20

The darkness and silence of space is… disquieting. 

Never thought I’d say that, honestly. I’ve always loved space and stars and everything that comes with it. But it’s a lot different after spending so much time on Hoth. All that snow. A blanket of white stretching from horizon to horizon. And then the constant howling of the wind outside the cave, always filling my ears with noise. It was so distracting and terrible at first, but I guess I got too used to it, like having static in the background. Now the quiet of space is overwhelming.

It’s easier to deal with when Hunk is awake and willing to talk. He fills the silence with his voice. It’s comforting. Like a little piece of home, which isn’t inaccurate considering how long we’ve known each other. Honestly, having Hunk with me makes everything so much better. Makes it all feel somewhat normal, even when it’s not. But he’s asleep right now, and I’d feel really bad if I woke him. Especially since he’s still regaining his strength from the time he spent as Galra’s prisoner.

At least I still have you. I was thinking of ending this log when we left Hoth, but well… I’ve grown attached. I don’t even know who you are, but I feel like we’re friends. You’ve already seen me at my worst, after all. If that isn’t friend material, then I don’t know what is.

So, while Hunk’s asleep and I’m bored to death of staring at these stars, I guess I’ll give you a little update. Let you know what all is happening.

First, as I bet you can guess, we’ve finally left Hoth!

It took a couple days of waiting, but eventually the weather cleared up enough for us to attempt launching back into space. And let me tell you, I have never been so happy to leave a place in my entire life. Living there was miserable. I mean yeah, I made the best of it, and it got a lot better once Hunk arrived, but all in all it was pretty terrible. I can’t wait to have an actual bed again. And a shower. Oh! And a good, steady supply of food! I’m tired of rationing.

Which brings me to my second point: we’re currently looking for the Castle.

It’s a lot harder than you’d think it would be, considering that the lions and the Castle are linked together. But I guess Coran and Allura set up something to disrupt that connection after I left. Maybe to keep them hidden from Zarkon, just in case he found me or tried using one of the other lions.

It makes sense. And it’s a good plan. This way at least the red lion will be safe, and Zarkon will be incapable of forming Voltron. It’s kind of working against us at the moment though. I have no idea where Allura and Coran took the Castle, if they’re in another system just drifting in space or if they’ve landed on some sort of planet. We’ve already checked the system the Castle was in when I originally left and found nothing there, so clearly we’re going to have to look elsewhere. I just have no idea where to begin.

Right now we’re kind of floating from star system to star system and searching for anything that might tell us whether the Castle’s been through or not. Scanning nearby planets, checking through asteroid fields, listening for any sort of frequency that might tell us something.

Unsurprisingly, we haven’t had much luck.

This hasn’t made Blue very happy. I can tell she’s upset, and a little bit anxious to get home. Back to safety. I don’t really blame her. Being out here in open space is making me anxious too. I always get nervous while entering a new star system, worried that this one might be the one where we run into a Galra fleet. Or the next one. Or the next.

Point is: Blue and I are both eager to get back to the castle, where we can regroup and plan in the security of a particle barrier. I’m tired of worrying about running into Galra ships. It’s keeping me from getting a proper night’s sleep. Not to mention the weird dreams I’ve been having when I  _ do  _ manage to fall asleep-- dreams of fire and ice and an unexplainable loneliness. Like something’s missing. Like it’s been forcibly cut out from my life. And honestly, it’s getting a little difficult to tell whether that feeling belongs to me or to Blue, because it could be either. It probably belongs to us both.

I’m pretty sure Blue’s missing Red just as much as I’m missing Kei-- the other paladins. We were all such a close bunch, after all.

I just hope we run across something soon. Ideally, the Castle itself. But at this point I’d take any sort of clue to its whereabouts. I’m so tired of just drifting through space without a destination. I just want somewhere to go.

Please, Universe. You’ve taken so much from me already. At least give me this.


	22. Blue Lion Log: Entry 21

We’ve almost traveled this entire galaxy, and still nothing. No Castle. No transmissions. No contact. Thankfully, no Galra either. But that one’s only a matter of time, to be completely honest. Our luck isn’t going to hold out forever. 

I’m trying to stay calm and positive. That’s like rule number 1 for survival: don’t panic and stay positive. The moment you let yourself give in to the panic is the very moment your situation becomes fatalistic. They told us this over and over and over again at the Garrison, but I never truly realized how difficult following that rule actually is until now.

I mean, we’re drifting through space without a clear destination, and a food supply that’s already running low. It’ll probably run out before we get anywhere with the rate we’re going, because space is big and there are too many places the Castle could be that we might not be able to reach. And that’s what’s worrying me.

What if we never find the Castle? What if we can’t find somewhere to land with plants that are safe for us to eat? What if the Galra find us and we aren’t able to escape?

There’s just so much that can go wrong, and every day that passes without finding the Castle is another day I have to remind myself not to lose hope.

I think we might have enough supplies to last us through a few more star systems at least. And then we’ll need to start looking for a planet to hide on. We’re unfortunately too far away from any of our allies to seek shelter with them, so wherever we settle down will have to be able to cloak our signals. Not a lot of planets are good for that. Hunk can confirm that, since he’s been having to filter out all the random static and signals that come from each planet we pass. And there’s a lot. Most that can’t count as coming from any ship or civilization due to patterns or whatever. (Hunk knows more about this than I do.)

He thinks he might have found something promising nearby, however.  

“Blue’s radar has been picking up weird waves of signals all morning,” is what he said to me earlier, pointing at the screens. And he was right. Blue’s radar showed a history of random spikes of energy interspersed with long periods of complete silence. I’ve been keeping an eye on it all day since then and it hasn’t really changed much. If anything, the signals are growing stronger and more frequent as we head toward the next star system, like we’re getting closer to the source.

Hunk thinks we should follow it and see where it’s coming from. I’m a little more hesitant. It’s entirely possible the signal’s coming from a Galra ship and following it will lead us straight into their hands, and that’s the very last thing I want to happen. But then again, Hunk might be onto something. He has pretty good instincts about these things, and if he thinks it’s safe then he’s probably right. And going with his plan should probably be ok. Probably.

In any case, it’s the best plan we have right now, so I guess we might as well just go with it.


	23. Blue Lion Log: Entry 22

The system the signals are coming from is a binary star system, with the two dwarf stars circling each other in small, close ellipses. There are five planets orbiting these two stars, three of which orbit so close that they’re practically inhospitable to all the alien species I’ve ever met. And I’ve met a lot during my time as a paladin. 

But further out in the system are two planets that, while not exactly lush with life, aren’t death traps like the others. And it’s the furthest one-- the one obscured by bright red and orange storm clouds-- that Hunk thinks the signals are coming from.

We’re trying to decide whether it’s worth landing on the planet or not.

On one hand, the signals could very well be coming from the Castle. Or at least from someone with a ship who might be able to help us, (if they don’t need help themselves, that is). The pattern’s certainly changed to resemble something a ship in distress would send out, in any case. But even if there isn’t a ship down there, the planet could be a good place to hide and recharge for a few days before continuing on our journey. I won’t complain about that.

On the other hand, the planet is completely covered in violent storms, and there’s no guarantee that if we fly into that mess, we’ll be able to fly back out. Blue could get damaged. Or the winds could be too strong to fly through, leaving us stranded on the surface. Not really an outcome that we want.

So really it’s down to whether we’re willing to risk getting damaged by the storm or risk missing the Castle altogether.

But as much as I dread getting stuck on another stormy planet, I’d rather that than possibly fly right past the Castle. I’d never forgive myself if we didn’t check the planet and ended up missing the very thing we’re searching for. And I’m pretty sure Hunk will agree.


	24. Blue Lion Log: Entry 23

So the good news is we didn’t crash. Not really. Well… not that badly. Not badly enough that I’d consider it a crash worth worrying about. I mean, Blue got a little roughed up on the way down, sure, and all the dust from the storm probably isn’t good for her engines, but she’s a tough girl! She can take it!

Luckily, past all the wind and debris at the surface of the planet, there’s a rather extensive range of cliffs with nice, deep valleys that can more or less shelter us from the storm. Not completely, like the cave on Hoth, but enough to keep the worst of the flying debris away from Blue. Enough so we can stay in one place and not get blown about by the wind.

The bad news?

Well, because the storm’s still pretty thick, even in the heart of this valley, Hunk and I can’t really see anything past like… five feet away or so. Basically, we’re blind as bats. Even blinder than bats, actually, because bats at least could find their way via echolocation and we have nothing like that. Nothing.

Some of Blue’s scanners at least are working, because they’re still picking up that weird signal we’ve been following. Not that it helps us much, because the scanners that actually pick up landforms are being jammed by the storm and so can’t help us navigate whatever this planet’s landscape is, but it gives us a heading to follow anyways. We’ve pinpointed the location of the signal, and it doesn’t appear to be moving any, so I can only assume it’s either a ship downed by the storm or some sort of city that’s somehow managed to survive this inhospitable place.

We’ll probably have to wait for the storm to die down before trying to check it out though, considering our visibility issues. Though that’s assuming the storm dies down at all. It’s quite possible this planet is like Jupiter or Neptune, where the storms cover the entire planet and last for decades. Centuries, even. And if that’s the case, we’ll have to either brave the storm ourselves to get to the signal or abandon our quest and try to fly our way off planet.

I already know what I’ll vote for in that case, and it’s not the flying off planet option.

But we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. Hunk and I have enough supplies here to give us two days of waiting time before needing to make a decision. If we decide to stay, we’ll have to be quick and minimize the amount of supplies we use just in case that signal turns out to be nothing. If we choose to leave, then we’ll for sure be able to make it to one more star system before needing to find somewhere to resupply.

If I’m remembering correctly, the next star system should have plenty of less-than-reputable markets where we can buy food without raising anyone’s suspicions or alerting the Galra. I wouldn’t trust myself to go alone to be honest, because I am a terrible judge of what’s safe to consume or not, so it’s a very good thing I’ll have Hunk with me! He’ll be more than able to distinguish the good foods from the bad and keep us from being poisoned or swindled too badly.

You know, I haven’t said this nearly enough, but I really am ridiculously lucky that Hunk was the one who managed to find me. Of all the paladins, Hunk’s the one I’d trust my life to. More importantly, he’s the one I’d trust my lion to. Without any hesitation.

So Blue, if you’re keeping watch of my logs, I want you to keep that fact in mind. Should anything happen to me (not that anything will, if I have anything to say about it), I need you to trust Hunk and let him pilot you for a bit. At least until you find someone else to be your paladin. He’ll take care of and protect you-- probably better than even I can, as much as I hate to admit it. So you take care of and protect him for me as well.

The both of you mean the world to me. I couldn’t bear if anything happened to either of you.


	25. Blue Lion Log: Entry 24

Two days. Still no change in the weather. Honestly, it’s starting to feel like Hoth all over again, except red this time instead of white. 

Hunk and I agreed that our best option is to try navigating the planet in order to get to the signal. Neither of us are very keen on the idea of leaving the planet without first investigating the source, just in case it does turn out to be the Castle. And if it’s not, or if we can’t get to it by the end of the day, then we’ll leave and look for one of those markets to restock at.

This plan of ours is, admittedly, a little bit dangerous, considering the storm and unknown landscape and the possibility of falling into craters and such, so if this ends up being the last log I make then please, whoever you are, take care of Blue and keep her out of Galra hands. I mean, it’s a worst case scenario kind of request, but I really don’t want to possibly-die again for nothing, you know? We’ve been through too much for that.

But this really shouldn’t come to that. Hunk and I will be careful. We know what we can and cannot do, and won’t needlessly endanger ourselves. Hopefully we’ll make it back in just a few hours with some good news. Or at least with another plan.


	26. Blue Lion Log: Entry 25

Hunk was right! He was right! I almost can’t believe it!

I mean, there’s still a lot we have to do. Lots that needs to be dug out and cleaned up and fixed, but Hunk was right! The castle  _ is  _ here!

I  _ knew  _ trusting in his instincts was a good idea!

 


	27. Blue Lion Log: Entry 26

Alright, now that I’ve had a good night’s sleep and have processed everything that’s happened recently, I think it’s time to update you on what we found yesterday. And, as with… well… pretty much  _ everything  _ else that has happened since landing on Hoth, there’s some good news and some bad news about this whole situation.

On the bright side, we’ve managed to find the Castle through sheer luck, and it seems to be more or less in one piece.

That “less” part is what I’m worried about though. Because, while the Castle is still definitely in one piece at the moment, there’s still a lot of damage. It almost looks like the Castle crash landed here. There’s a worrying crack running down one side of it. And the problem is, we’re not really sure how far that crack extends just yet. The storm kept us from seeing the whole of it, and we didn’t have enough time to actually follow and assess it.

This could be really bad for us, depending on the crack’s length and width. If we aren’t able to fix it, the Castle won’t be able to go back into space. That’s, of course, assuming its systems haven’t been compromised in the crash as well. Which, if they are, means we’re pretty much screwed. Most of what the castle runs on is old, Altean tech that can’t be found anywhere anymore. If any of it’s broken… I’m not sure we can replace it or find a workable substitute.

All in all, the Castle could be completely dead. We might not be able to salvage it.

At least we still have Blue, who definitely  _ can  _ get us off this planet. If the Castle turns out to be dead, we could probably also manage to get Red out from where Allura locked her, and then we’d have two lions to work with instead of just the one. Not gonna lie, having Red available would make breaking Pidge and the other lions out of Galra’s control  _ so  _ much easier. Especially with how well Blue and Red work together.

I mean, in terms of abilities, the two lions are on completely different ends of the spectrum. They have that kind of fire versus water thing going on, which you would think would mean they wouldn’t be compatible at all. But actually, their differences mean that Red and Blue cover each other’s weaknesses, and can usually fix whatever the other lion happens to mess up.

That’s partially why Keith and I were such a great team together, even before we got over all the rivalry stuff. We’re different, but complementary. We just naturally fit together that way.

But anyways, having both Red and Blue at our disposal would seriously help, regardless of whether the Castle works or not.

Of course, having the Castle up and running would help  _ even more,  _ which is why Hunk and I are going to do everything we can in order to fix it. Starting with making sure the life-support systems are still ok and that the cryo-replenishers haven’t malfunctioned or anything. We kind of need Coran and Allura in order for any of this to work. If we can’t wake them up, we’re seriously screwed.

So life support and the cryo-replenishers are our top priority. Then the Castle system itself. And then any actual, physical damage we come across. Hunk will be able to tell which parts are most important to fix, so I’m just going to leave those decisions to him and let him boss me around until it’s fixed. We can figure all the rest out later.

We’re going to need to move Blue as close to the Castle as possible though, so we aren’t constantly having to make the long trek from here to there and back again. It’ll just be easier to have Blue nearby. And we’ll need her scanners to keep watch over the planet and the star system for anything unusual, at least until we can get the Castle systems up and running again. We don’t want to be surprised by the Galra, after all. That would be bad.

I got a feel for the terrain yesterday while we were walking to the Castle, so hopefully this won’t turn out too badly. I’ll just have to fly really, really slowly and try not to crash into any rock walls. Which sounds easier than it probably is, since this storm  _ still  _ hasn’t let up at all and I can barely see anything in all the dirt flying around, but hey. Might as well try. I’m nothing if not optimistic.

So. Move Blue, fix the Castle, leave this planet and save the universe.

Seems like a solid plan to me.


	28. Blue Lion Log: Entry 27

A list of reasons to be thankful:

  1. We got Blue to the Castle without dying or crashing into anything. It took several hours, and a lot of creative flying, but we made it. And Hunk only barfed once during the whole thing. Which is something of a miracle, to be honest.
  2. That crack I was talking about? Not as bad as I thought it might be. I mean, it’s still pretty wide and will need some pretty extensive repairs, but Hunk thinks it won’t be anything to worry about. Just some new metal plating and some bolts and some welding, and we should be good to go.
  3. The crack is wide enough at one end that Hunk and I can slip right into the Castle, so we don’t have to break anything else to get inside. I’m pretty happy about that.
  4. The teludav has remained completely intact and perfect, so as long as the Castle’s engines are still working, we’ll definitely be able to fly and use wormholes. 
  5. The kitchen is stocked! And the nice thing about food goo is that it never goes bad, so all this food is still perfectly fine for us to eat! We no longer have to ration or worry about starving! 
  6. Some of the systems still seem to be online. Mainly, the lights and the life support. Everything else has shut down and will probably need to be fiddled with before they come back online, but the most important systems are still good. And that means we can wake up Coran and Allura once we’re able to get to the cryo-replenishers. Which might actually require us to break something this time, since the doors to the cryo-replenishers are sealed shut, but at least whatever we break will be inside the Castle. We can fix it again later.



All in all, there’s a lot of things to be happy about here. Our situation is looking more and more positive by the second. And that gives me a lot of hope. 

It’s… nice, feeling this hopeful again. I mean, you saw how I was when I first started making these logs. How certain I was that I was going to die. And part of me still considered that as a possibility even after Hunk and I reunited and managed to leave Hoth. After all, the chances of finding the Castle at all, let alone finding the Castle in one piece and relatively undamaged, were really fucking low. Astronomically low. Like so low that finding the Castle seemed nearly impossible.

But we did it. We found it. And we’re probably going to be able to fix it. And that just makes me really, really happy.

But anyways, this will probably be my last log for a while. I need to focus on fixing the Castle up and getting to the cryo-replenishers, so Hunk and I probably won’t have a chance to come back to Blue for a while. And until the systems are back online in the Castle, I won’t be able to make any log entries there.

Not that you’re reading this in real time or anything. I mean, if you ever come across this log later, you’ll get to bypass all this time I’ll be gone and go straight to the next log. But just for the sake of you knowing what we went through as you read this, I’m not going to be around for a while. The next log entry I make will hopefully be of me celebrating our success and reunion with Allura and Coran, but we’ll just have to see.

Until then--

Lance out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's the end of this first part! reminder that there will be a month or so before the next update as i finish writing and editing the 2nd arc, and then updates will resume in real time! 
> 
> thank you everyone who's read and supported this so far!! I honestly wasn't sure if anyone would be interested in a story formatted this way, so it's really nice to have gotten this much support! If you want something else to read while this fic is on break, I just started a new klance fic called [ Perihelion](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10402899/chapters/22972005) that will be (hopefully) be updating every other week at least. maybe sooner, depending on how quickly I write. it's a royalty/arranged marriage au that's going to involve a lot of politics and court intrigue, so if you like things like Game of Thrones, you should check it out! 
> 
> Also, feel free to come chat with me on twitter (@EclecticInkling) or on tumblr (eclecticinkling.tumblr.com or bluelionlogs.tumblr.com)
> 
> Until the end of April then!


	29. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 1

Hello again, whoever you are! I’m back! And man is it good to be able to talk to you again.

I have to admit, I didn’t expect to miss writing to you as much as I did. It felt weird not recounting my daily adventures for this log collection. And it was even weirder not having a place to write down and work through my thoughts. I guess I just got into the habit of processing things through writing back on Hoth, and now I can’t seem to kick it. Like some weird, way-more-emotionally-healthy drug addiction or something.

But I’m back now, as you can see, and can finally give in to my addiction without shame.

So, let’s see. Updates.

Well first of all, Hunk and I got the castle’s main system back up and working! Though you could probably guess that much. I mean, this log entry is being written from the castle, and the collection’s going to show that. Not to mention that I pretty much told you in my last entry that I wouldn’t be back until the system was online again, and clearly I’m not a liar.

All that aside though, Hunk and I have finished the majority of repairs that were needed. The only things left to check are the things we’d need Coran for, and since he and Allura are still in the cryo-replenishers, we can’t really attempt working on those just yet. But now that the main systems are online, we can start figuring out how to get to the cryo-replenishers and wake Allura and Coran up.

I’ll be happy to have them around again. The castle’s too quiet with just Hunk and me. Too empty. I keep expecting to find one of the others whenever I walk around, just like in the old days. To see Pidge in the hangars, modifying our lions. Or Keith on the training deck. Or even Shiro on the bridge, making plans with Allura. And I guess I shouldn’t be so upset when I don’t find any of them because I already know I won’t, but still. It’s… difficult to accept.

There’s just so many memories associated with the castle. This is where it all began. Where we became a team. A family.

This is where it all ended as well. Or so I thought.

You know, the last time I was on this ship, (before we found it wrecked on this planet, of course), I was all alone. The last paladin left of this particular team. My team was gone, Allura and Coran were asleep, and I was wandering the halls all by myself. Just me and the stars.

It was quiet then too, and I hated it. Or I would have if I hadn’t been too numb to feel anything. Even anger was too much for me back then. I was like one of Pidge’s robots, operating on autopilot as I gathered all my supplies, just focusing on getting the job done. It wasn’t until I crash landed on Hoth that it all kind of hit me like an avalanche of grief.

My situation’s clearly improved since then. Still not great, but much better than it was before, and getting better with every step. We just have to keep moving forward. Keep fixing each problem as it comes along, until we eventually reach our solution.

“You cannot climb Everest before first climbing all the smaller peaks,” as my mother used to say. “Just take it one mountain at a time.”


	30. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 2

Ok. So. Trying to get to the cryo-replenishers… didn’t exactly go as planned. 

It um… it turns out Allura changed the access codes to the room without telling me. Probably to make sure that if I  _ did  _ happen to be captured alive by the Galra, I couldn’t compromise their safety and the future of the universe, or whatever. It makes sense, and normally I’d support such an action, but now it means we can’t get to Allura and Coran without physically breaking in. And the castle doors-- or at least the ones leading to the cryo-replenishers-- just happen to be made with some sort of metal that’s just too strong for us to simply knock down like we’d been hoping. And not for a lack of trying.

Hunk and I did everything we could think of, from creating a makeshift battering ram out of the old, metal plating we just replaced to setting the training deck’s gladiator against it. We even tried the old fashioned method of just ramming our own bodies against the door with all the force we could muster. I already know I’m going to be sore and covered in bruises tomorrow, and yet the door still stands. It doesn’t even have a single dent or scratch!

And heat doesn’t really do much to it either. We tried softening up the metal with Hunk’s blow-torch to create an opening, and the heat did absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. I even put my hand against the door to see if it was having any effect-- which, in hindsight, was a really stupid idea because I could have seriously burnt myself-- but, luckily for my hand, the door was still as cold as ice! The blow-torch wasn’t doing anything to it!

Now I don’t know what sort of alien metal this is, but clearly it’s got us beat. That door was made to last through  _ anything.  _ And I bet the walls of the room were too. Which, first off, is  _ really cool,  _ but, secondly, is also super inconvenient and annoying right now.

How are we supposed to wake up Coran and Allura if we can’t even get inside the room?


	31. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 3

Hacking! Obviously!

We’ll just have to hack past the new access codes! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before!

(I mean, I do, because hacking and programming have always been more Pidge’s realm of expertise than Hunk’s or my own. But we all took classes in basic programming at the Garrison, so Hunk and I might be able to get by without Pidge. I mean, how hard can it be?)


	32. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 4

Update: hacking into the castle system and overriding the access codes to the cryo-replenishers is WAY harder than I thought. 

I really have to give Pidge way more credit for all this computer stuff, because it turns out I am terrible at it. Thankfully, I have Hunk, who at least kind of knows what he’s doing. Or at least knows enough to find his way around the castle system to where the access codes would be. Overriding the actual codes though? A bit more tricky.

He’s trying to figure it out at the main computer right now while I’m just sitting here keeping him company. And updating you on my tablet, of course, which is a very important job. How else will future generations of paladins know about our struggles and brilliant solutions if I don’t keep you up to date on it all? I am doing this for posterity!

Ok, in all honesty I feel kind of useless. There’s nothing I can do to help. And if Hunk wasn’t here, I’d be kind of screwed, because there’s no way I could figure any of this out on my own.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this kind of situation, actually, where another teammate has had to cover for my incompetence. And it’s not the first time I’ve felt useless because of it. I mean, we all had our strengths and weaknesses, and we all had our specialties. Shiro and Allura were natural leaders who knew what to do in every situation, and Pidge was the tech genius that could hack into anything with wires, and Hunk can fix and create practically anything as long as he has his tool box. And I want to say my specialty is fighting, because I’m actually a really good shot and damn proud of that fact, but Keith was always better at fighting than me so I can’t really claim that skill as my own.

I was always kind of just… the spare? Like I was good, but not as good as the others, which is why I couldn’t believe that I was the one to survive and last until the end. Why was I the one to live out of everyone?

But, I mean, I guess it ended up being a good thing that I made it out in the end? I’m not sure I could have survived or escaped Galra imprisonment like Hunk and Pidge, so at least this way we’ll still have three paladins once we rescue Pidge. Four, if we can get to Allura and wake her up. The only one we’ll be missing is… Keith. And he’s… he’s not coming back.

But well, the point is that I rely too much on the others to cover my weaknesses, and that’s why I’m so useless when I get into situations like this. Take it from me, whoever you are. You don’t want to be the person constantly in need of help.  _ I  _ don’t want to be the person constantly in need of help. In fact, as soon as we get Pidge back, I’m going to ask them to teach me how to hack. I’ll never be as good as them, of course, but at least I won’t be stuck in a situation like this again, completely unable to help.

I just want to be useful, you know? I hate just sitting around and watching someone else do all the work. It’s making me feel all restless.

Maybe I’ll go to the kitchen and scrounge up some food goo for us to eat. That at least is easy to get to. And we haven’t had a proper meal today in a while, so food goo would actually be a good idea right now.

Yeah. Yeah I’m gonna do that.


	33. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 5

*Hacker voice*

_We’re in_


	34. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 6

Coran and Allura are awake!

Sort of…

I mean, they’re out of the cryo-replenishers now, so they aren’t in any sort of stasis or trance. They just… aren’t completely awake yet either.

I guess I should be worried about that? Usually when someone comes out of the cryo-replenishers, they’re a bit woozy and disoriented for the first few minutes, but then quickly regain their clarity. I was honestly expecting the same with Coran and Allura this time around too, so the fact that they’re still asleep should probably be a bit worrying.

I don’t know, maybe the castle’s crash and system shut down affected the stasis cycle in some way? Coran and Allura aren’t physically unwell, after all. The ship’s scanners were able to tell us that much. Plus there was a brief moment, right after they came out of stasis, where Allura opened her eyes and mumbled something before falling back asleep.

It just doesn’t seem like there’s anything actually wrong with them, aside from them still being asleep, and Hunk and I both think this is just something they need to sleep off. Regardless, there’s nothing we can really do about it except tuck them into bed and see if they’ll wake up, so I guess that’s what we’ll do. It’s not like we can go anywhere else anyways.

I’ll give them a week before I start worrying. If they don’t wake up in a week, then something is very, very wrong. Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.


	35. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 7

You know, I’ve never liked the cryo-replenisher room. It’s always had such a negative atmosphere.

I honestly can’t look at the cryo-replenishers without feeling my entire body tense up in anxiety. Too many memories associated with those things. Too many long, terrified nights spent praying that my friends would be ok. Too many reminders of just how mortal we are, and how easily we might die in every fight.

If you ever become a paladin and find this log, you’ll eventually understand what I mean, if you don’t already. There just comes a time where it all becomes too much. When you look at those cryo-replenishers, and look at yourself, and realize that without that Altean tech you would already be dead. That you’ve essentially cheated death hundreds of times, and eventually that debt is going to catch up with you.

And,  _ god.  _ That realization is  _ terrifying.  _ It haunts you through every battle, through every mission, through every training session. Whenever you get hit by a blaster or cut by a sword, you remember. You recall all the times you’ve avoided death before that moment, and realize how far away from the cryo-replenishers you actually are, and you can’t help but think, ‘ _ This is it. This is the moment. This is my time,’  _ even as you fight back with everything you have.

I just… I don’t know, man. I really don’t want to die. I mean, you’ve seen what I’ve gone through! You’ve seen how hard I fought to stay alive! I don’t want to die, especially after all of this!

But seeing those cryo-replenishers just reminded me of how goddamn lucky I’ve been to even make it this far. And I’m not really sure how much more time I’ll be able to borrow before this luck runs out.

But well, I guess I’ll do what I’ve always done. I’ll just fight and claw and drag myself forward until fate finally catches up to me. And maybe, if my luck holds out, I’ll be able to take a lot of the enemies along with me whenever that time comes.

If I can leave the universe a bit safer when I go, then I guess it’ll have been worth it.


	36. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 8

So I guess I should start this with letting you know Allura’s now awake. Coran is still asleep, but he did put himself into stasis after Allura, and he’s also much older, and Allura says the effects of the stasis would take a bit longer to work through him, so I’m not too worried anymore. He’ll wake up when he’s ready, and then we can get to work on making the castle space-ready again.

Hunk and I spent most of today catching Allura up on everything she missed, from how I crash landed on Hoth to how Hunk somehow managed to find me to how we eventually ended up here, at the castle.

She was thrilled to see we were both relatively unharmed and to hear that Pidge is still alive out there. I know she’s already thinking of the implications of all of us still being alive. She’s probably already planning how to get back the other lions and form Voltron again. Or well… I guess it’s more accurate to say she’s planning how to get back the lions, find a new paladin, and form Voltron again, since it’s not like Keith is coming back.

That was the hardest part-- telling her about Keith. Hunk had to do it because I couldn’t get the words out. I guess, in some way, I still haven’t accepted that he’s changed sides. Like I know logically that he has and I need to let go, but my heart still hasn’t come to terms.

The news even made Allura fall silent for a while.

I could tell she was disappointed. I remember how, way back when we first found out Keith was part Galra, Allura had the hardest time reconciling his heritage with his place on the team. She never said anything out loud, of course, but we could all tell. That cold shoulder she gave him that entire time said more than her words ever could.

But even so, she  _ had  _ managed to accept Keith for who he was and value him as a vital member of our team. She fully trusted him, just like the rest of us, never doubting his loyalty to our cause. She even allowed him to pilot the black lion after Shiro died! The one lion Zarkon wanted over everything else! If that doesn’t show how much she trusted him, I don’t know what else would!

Hearing that Keith had switched his loyalties and betrayed us really must have hit her hard. After all, she was the one who’d had the most hesitations about him, and apparently was right for doing so. So I guess I can’t blame her for when she finally said, “I was right, then. No Galran can be trusted.”

No, I can’t blame her. She’s not wrong, so I really can’t complain.

Still. Listening to that  _ hurt. _

As realistic as I am about this whole situation, as much as I know that Keith has become our enemy and doesn’t need or deserve my protection or care, it still hurts to hear him insulted like that. To hear Allura say something like that in such a cool and detached tone, like it’s not even affecting her at all.

I know it is though! He was our friend! Our teammate! He wasn’t just special to me, but to our whole group, and I know his betrayal is hurting all of us. I’ve been telling myself that over and over and over again, reminded myself of it every time I think about Allura’s statement and feel a rush of anger and pain. I can’t blame her, or lash out at her, or anything like that because I know she’s right. But also because I know when she said that, she was hurting just as much as I was, no matter how unaffected her voice was.

I may have lost my other half, but this is the second time she’s woken up from stasis to hear that someone she cares about is no longer here, and that everything is falling apart.

This whole thing kind of sucks, to be honest. I don’t want to be mad at Allura, and I really don’t want to still care for Keith. It hurts too much. And I’m afraid these lingering feelings are going to become a huge problem for us in the future, when we eventually get back into the fight and have to face off against Keith.

What am I going to do when we come face to face? How am I going to react? Am I going to attack out of anger, or hesitate out of love, or beg like some sort of idiot for him to return to our side? Will I even be able to fight him?

Honestly, I don’t know. I really don’t know how this will turn out. And that’s what I hate the most.


	37. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 9

Day number… I don’t even know what anymore, and the castle is still firmly grounded here on… whatever planet this is. 

Hunk and I didn’t really get a name for this one either before we decided to check it out. Allura and Coran are usually the ones telling us what the planets and systems we visit are called, and since they were out of commission until recently, we never really got to ask.

I suppose we could look it up now that the castle’s systems are back online. I’m sure the castle’s map has it documented. Probably has a ton of information about it too. But I’ve been calling it ‘Knock-off Jupiter’ in my head these past couple of weeks, and I kind of like the way that sounds. So that’s what I’m calling it.

Not as good as Hoth, I know, but not every planet can be the physical representation of some place in Star Wars. Cool as it is, even the best movie series of all time has its limits.

But I digress.

Point is, we’re still stuck out here on Knock-off Jupiter. Coran is awake now, which is great, and we’ve been hard at work trying to fix everything the castle needs to go into space. But Coran keeps finding more problems that apparently need to be fixed before we can take off. It’s only been like two days since he woke up, and he’s already found like twenty new issues.

I’ll be honest, I don’t understand half of what he’s talking about with all this tech mumbo-jumbo, but at least it’s keeping my hands busy. And busy hands equal a busy mind. No time to mope around like I was doing earlier. There’s way too much to do.

I think Allura’s been trying to cope in the same way. She’s spent this whole time testing out the castle weapons and trying to re-calibrate all the different systems. I haven’t seen all that much of her. She hasn’t left the bridge except to sleep and eat, and I’ve been doing grunt work for Coran in the depths of the castle engine, so it’s not like our paths have really crossed.

I do hope she’s doing ok. I was upset with what she said for a while, but I know why she said it. And I know all of this is a lot to process.

At least, it was for me.

Maybe when we get the castle back into space, things will seem a bit more normal. Than again, maybe they won’t. I can’t really say for sure. All I can do is hope.


	38. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 10

It’s the goddamn somoflanges!

Of course it is. Of course that’s what’s keeping us on the ground.

I don’t even know what they’re for, but I  _ do  _ remember that the last time I tried to mess with it way back when, I nearly got the castle blown up. And I don’t think I’ve improved my mechanical skills all that much since then.

Well, those somoflanges can kiss my fucking ass. I’m not touching them. Hunk or Coran can figure it out. I’m not gonna be the reason we all get blown up here. No way in hell.


	39. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 11

Good news! I didn’t blow us up!

I don’t know if I can take all the credit for that, however. Turns out that Hunk and Coran remember the last time we had to repair the somoflanges just as well as I do, including the part where I accidentally put the whole castle on alert and set off a self-destruction chain. They didn’t even let me near the somoflanges for fear of a repeat performance.

I mean, c’mon guys. I may have set off the castle last time, but I’ve learned my lesson! I didn’t even want to touch the thing! Couldn’t I have at least watched it get fixed from a safe distance?

Apparently, the answer to that was ‘no.’ So instead I spent several hours sitting by myself in the common room because I wasn’t allowed outside the castle with Coran and Hunk, and Allura still refuses to leave the bridge.

And let me tell you. Altean board games get super boring super quickly when you’re all alone.

But anyways. The somoflanges are fixed now, and that means we’ll be able to leave soon! They were the last bit of outside repairs we needed to do before we head out into space. All the rest of the repairs can happen inside the castle as we drift through space. We just have to make sure to remain within dead star systems until everything’s been fixed and is back online. We don’t want to run into Zarkon’s ships unprepared, after all. Not after all we did to keep the last two lions out of his hands.

Coran just wants to run a few last diagnostic scans before we leave Knock-off Jupiter, just to make sure all essential systems are online and doing what they’re supposed to. I, personally, have no problem with that. I’d rather be safe than sorry with all of this.

Anyways, it’s not like we actually know where we’re  _ going  _ just yet. I mean, yeah our first plan of action after the castle gets fixed is to rescue Pidge, because god knows we need their intelligence if we have any hope of getting back the lions and taking down Zarkon, but we don’t exactly know where Pidge is at right now. The ship they’re imprisoned on has almost definitely moved from whatever star system it was in when Hunk escaped. And even if it hasn’t, Hunk was too busy trying to get away to notice what system he was flying through. So that’s no help.

Luckily, Hunk does remember the name of the ship. We might be able to track it down from that alone, if we manage to talk to the right people. We’ll obviously have to find a Swap Moon, since everywhere else is too Galra-infested to be safe or of any use. No Galra would willingly give out military information even if we somehow disguised ourselves to blend in. So Swap Moon it is. An actual one this time too. Not like the mall from a few years back.

Ahhhhhhh. Good times.


	40. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 12

Well, everything is prepared.

The castle’s space-ready. All systems working normally. Blue is safe in her hangar. All our supplies are neatly packed away. We’re ready. We’ve done all we can for now, and it’s time for us to get back into space, where we belong.

Coran and Allura are getting things ready for launch even as I type this out. There isn’t much I can do to help, since it all apparently involves Allura’s Altean magic, so I’ve mostly been keeping out of the way. Right now, I’m sitting by the windows of the observation deck and looking out on the hazy redness of Knock-off Jupiter.

The storm hasn’t let up at all in this entire time Hunk and I have been here. I think I was right in assuming that it operates a lot like Jupiter’s red spot, or even Mars’s months-long dust storms. It’s no wonder that life hasn’t really evolved here, what with the wind constantly kicking up dust and tossing it around. No time to let anything settle long enough for life to start.

I suppose sometimes things are like that. When life gets crazy and out-of-control, it’s hard for anything of value to actually take root, let alone grow and flourish. Sometimes things just get blown away by the wind before you even realize it. Sometimes something you thought was permanent just gets worn away bit by bit in the storm, and then disappears forever. Never to return.

Take it from me, whoever you are. Value the things and people you have while you have them. You never know when a storm might come along and destroy it all. And you don’t want to left with regrets after the chaos. That’s just not fun.


	41. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 13

Back in space! Finally!

It’s good to be flying around in the castle again, knowing we’ll soon be defending the universe again! Just as soon as we get the rest of repairs completed and get Pidge and our lions back, of course. 

But hey, we’re getting there, and that’s the important thing. We’re simply a work in progress right now.


	42. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 14

So, I know it’s been a while since I last updated you. I mean, I know you’re not reading this in real time or anything because that’d just be weird and/or a major cause for concern over our security systems, but I still feel kind of bad for not letting you know what’s been going on here over this past week, if only because it helps keep  _ me  _ sane and on top of things.

It’s just been a busy week here. Which, in a way, is a good thing because it means a lot is getting done and I’ve been too distracted by all of that to think on anything sad. But at the same time, I am so  _ exhausted.  _ I just want to  _ sleep.  _

Of course, even if I had the time to sleep, I’m not sure I could. At least not in my own room. Or well… I guess it’s technically Keith’s room. I’m just so used to us sharing it, so I kind of consider it my room too. And all of my things are still in there. Though… so are Keith’s. At least they were the last time I checked, before I flew off with Blue.

I suppose the Castle’s crash has messed it all up, but I’m honestly afraid to look. I haven’t been back into that room since finding the castle. Hunk and I made camp in the common room while we were fixing things, simply because it was easier. And I guess also because neither of us wanted to be alone. So I really haven’t had to deal with the whole bedroom thing until now, which is making all of this worse. I can still picture Keith’s red jacket hanging on the wall by the closet, and my collection of skin care products sitting on the desk like they belong there, and the old, purple blanket we’d bought together from one of the swap moons we once visited, still on the bed.

Coincidentally, it was the same swap moon we’re now heading for to get information. It’s the closest one to where we’re at. I’m a little afraid some of the vendors might recognize me, but… well, it’s been a year. Vendors change, and they forget, and I’ll be going in disguise anyways so they might not recognize me at all. And it’s not like we have any other choice. We need that information to find Pidge. We can’t do anything without it.

The one good thing I can say about this swap moon is that its distance from its star keeps the climate cool year round, so I’ll be able to bundle up at least a little. Between that and a disguise, I think we should be ok. 

But just in case, I think I’ll ask Allura to lock Blue in the hangars as well. I don’t want her falling into the wrong hands. 


	43. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 15

Small correction to my log from a few days ago: the swap moon isn’t cool, it’s cold  _ as fuck.  _

It appears we’ve arrived in time for what they consider their winter season. The whole moon is covered in snow, and it’s getting deeper by the second with all the snow storms swirling around the atmosphere. (Speaking of which, why do all the planets I’ve been landing on recently have this thing with storms and/or snow? Have I become some sort of bad weather magnet?) But well, while the colder weather gives me more of an excuse to bundle up and hide myself, it’s making me wonder whether we’ll get any sort of information at all here.

Rare illegal market or not, I wouldn’t want to be visiting this moon while this sort of weather is happening. And I don’t think many other creatures would visit it either. We were counting on the crowd to hide and inform us. Now I’m not so sure.

Allura wants us to check it out anyways. “We can’t just assume and pass up the possibility of getting what we need,” she said. “We should at least scope out the situation before making any decisions.”

I see her point. And I’m eager to get Pidge and the lions back as well, so I’m not going to complain. We’ll just have to be a little more cautious than usual, is all. A little more careful in who we approach.

I hope Hunk is the one to come with me for this, to be honest. As much as I appreciate Coran and all his knowledge on alien life, he can sometimes get a little mixed up with his information, landing us all in trouble. And trouble is the very last thing we need right now if we’re going to stay undetected by the Galra and keep our element of surprise. Which we have to. Pidge’s rescue depends on it.

So that’s essentially the plan. Get in, get the information, get out. All while staying off Galra’s radar. 

Simple, right?


	44. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 16

I wonder what season it is back home right now. 

I think it’s spring. Or maybe summer. I lost track of the days a long time ago, so it’s really hard to tell. But I hope it’s one of the warmer seasons so my family at least can enjoy the sun and the sea, even if I can’t.

Though, that’s assuming there’s even a home to return to. That there’s even an Earth at all.

I’m not really sure there is…


	45. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 17

So, I learned today that humanoids are an extremely rare commodity on swap moons.

Long story short: Hunk and I very nearly became part of a species trafficking thing. It was only thanks to quick thinking and Hunk’s impressive arm strength that we managed to get away without being caught or recognized. 

I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to a swap moon. They’re not really common across the universe, and their locations tend to be kept secret due to the whole black market aspect that pops up among the vendors. (Though Coran tells me they aren’t nearly as secretive as they used to be because Zarkon doesn’t crack down as hard on the black market as Altea’s Intergalactic Alliance used to.) 

Not all of the vendors are part of the black market, of course. A lot of them are normal shopkeepers just trying to avoid Zarkon’s commerce taxes, because those taxes are complete  _ bullshit.  _ Particularly for alien species that aren’t Galra, or like… close allies of Galra. So all those that can’t afford the taxes congregate in the vast marketplace that makes up these swap moons, setting up booths that are vibrant and colorful (and easily vacated for those days when Zarkon  _ does  _ give a shit and decides to order a raid) all across the moon!

But then the further you venture into the market, the shadier it gets. The whole core of the black market is in the very center of the market, where it’s hidden from the wayward traveler’s unsuspecting view. Makes it easy for them to conduct their business and, you know, sometimes kidnap people for their slave trade or something. 

We’ve never really ventured into that area. Usually, whatever we need can be found on the edges of the market, so we’re able to avoid the shadier booths and keep out of trouble. I was hoping for the same this time, but no luck.

I guess most of the vendors decided to close up shop while the winter weather lasts. Probably took their stuff to other swap moons, thinking-- correctly, most likely-- that they’d get more business on warmer moons than here. I don’t know what the other moons are like right now, if they have larger crowds or not, but this moon was like a ghost town. The outside booths were completely empty, and the market streets only had a few people wandering about. Only the black market booths still seemed to be in business, so that’s where Hunk and I went.

Now before you say anything, in our defense, we probably would have had to go to the black market booths anyways to get the information we were seeking. Normal shopkeepers don’t keep track of military ships. Not the way black market vendors do. 

So with no other logical choice, Hunk and I took our chances.

Did you know humans are considered an exotic species by other aliens?

If you’re not a human, then yeah, you probably do. It’s pretty common knowledge, I’ve learned, to everyone except actual humans. But if you, like me, are human, then just know that the fact we’ve never traveled beyond our own solar system as a species makes us individuals who  _ have  _ really desirable to species traffickers.

Apparently, there are a lot beings that would pay a lot of money to have a human as a house servant, or field worker, or, in my and Hunk’s cases, as a sex slave and future gladiator respectively. At least, that’s what I heard the guys muttering when they saw us wandering around asking about this ship and started planning our abduction, before they realized how good human hearing actually is sometimes.

But hey, all’s well that ends well. As touched as I am by their assessment of my physical appeal, I wasn’t about to let myself be captured and sold in such a way. And I definitely wasn’t going to let Hunk get sold to Zarkon’s arena. Shiro told us all about those horrors before he was killed, and there’s no way I was letting Hunk suffer through that. 

But so these guys were shadowing us for a good while after we ventured into the black market area of the planet, just keeping an eye on us, so to speak. I don’t think they realized what we were asking about or they might have thought twice. The name of the ship Hunk and Pidge were being kept on certainly inspired a good bit of fear in almost everyone we talked to.They would almost always flinch away and look really shifty whenever we brought it up, and several of them seemed to very seriously consider chasing us off and shooting us in the back. (Not that they could have. I would’ve shot them first.)

What I’m gathering from all those reactions is that this specific ship is some sort of high-security prisoner ship, where only the most dangerous threats to the Galra Empire are contained. Bad luck for us, because it means the whole ship is going to be alert at all hours, but also a little bit flattering that Zarkon takes us so seriously. 

Not many people actively search the ship out, though, so the fact we were asking about it made a lot of the shadier vendors more cautious. I think they might have seen us as Galra spies or something. Maybe that we were scoping out vendors for the Galra army to raid later. 

As we were talking to these vendors, (or well, Hunk was talking, I was looking pretty and subtly watching our backs), the slavers kept inching closer and closer. They weren’t staring out us outright or anything, but you could just  _ tell  _ they were focused on us. They’d throw glances our way every now and then, and walk behind/beside us, forcing us to turn down certain alleys to avoid them, as if trying to hem us into a trap. 

Which is exactly what they were doing. I mean, I’m not stupid. I knew they were walking us into a trap, but I also knew they’d get more aggressive if we didn’t stroll right along with their plans, and we really needed the ship information. We couldn’t afford to leave until we got that. So Hunk and I ambled along as slowly as we dared and talked to everyone we could while the slavers kept their eyes on us. 

Finally, we found a vendor willing to talk for a small price. I had to give up the luxite shard necklace Keith once gave me, but in return we got all the information we needed about where the ship was and where it was going-- all the things that shady black market vendors kept track of in order to avoid the ship. 

Of course, it took us until we were nearly caught in the slaver’s trap to get that information, but we got it. And as soon as we did, we began making plans in order to escape.

The marketplace, especially the area with the black market booths, is riddled by small alleyways filled with crates and baskets of goods. It helped that the slavers were already trying to direct us into these alleyways. Probably trying to trap us in a deadend, where escape would be rather difficult, if not impossible. They didn’t realize who they were dealing with though. Hunk and I have escaped from worse scenarios hundreds of times.

We continued down the alleyways like they wanted, but finally found one where following us would be too conspicuous. I don’t think us going down that way was too alarming for the slavers. They probably didn’t deal with many victims with enough experience to realize what was happening and actually plan an escape. As tit was though, Hunk and I stopped in that alley, and took a moment to gather our bearings. 

“We could just fight our way out,” Hunk suggested. Which was true. We had enough strength and fire power to overwhelm any attacker. However, our weapons were also pretty distinctive and would tip off everyone there that the Voltron paladins were back in action. And I know from past experience just how quickly shady merchants will sell us out in order to get a reward and clemency from the Galra Empire.

What we needed was another pathway. Something to through the slavers off our track just enough to run back to the castle pod and leave the Swap Moon.

Thankfully, the inner booths of the Swap Moon are set up inside some old, square buildings that have probably been around for centuries. They were made of piled rocks and clay, and were sturdy enough to hold our weights if we were to climb on top. At least, that’s what I hoped. 

“Lift me up there,” I told Hunk, pointing at the top of the building. “I’ll help pull you up, and we can use those to escape. They’ll never think to look up.”

Hunk was worried (for good reason, to be honest, since I was just planning based on guess work) but we didn’t have a lot of other options, so he went along with it. He easily hoisted me up high enough to let me scramble onto the roof, and then I used what minimal strength I have to help pull him up alongside me. The old buildings were all lined up, one alongside another, in close succession, so it was an easy task from there to just sprint away from the center of the market and back to where it was safe.

I did hear a shout of alarm as we ran, though I can’t tell you if it was just from a surprised merchant or from the slavers themselves. Either way, we got enough of a head start to stay in front of the slavers, even when we had to jump down off the buildings and continue running through the abandoned areas of the market to the pod.

We got there just in time. And once the pod doors had closed and we lifted off, on a course to the castle, Hunk and I both collapsed onto the floor and started laughing.

I forgot how much of a rush it is to get stuck in a situation like that and have to find and escape. I was always good at that. Keith is all instincts with little to no plans, and Pidge and Hunk often get too caught up in fixing the mechanical and technical things keeping us trapped to think of much else, so I was usually what was left. I would be the one analyzing and planning and directing, and I was actually rather  _ good  _ at it. I forgot all about that.

How did I forget that?

Well remembering now will come in handy in the next few weeks, because we’re going to need the best possible plans in order to pull off what we’re about to do. Now that we have the info about the ship, it’s time to take advantage 

It’s time to go save Pidge.


	46. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 18

So... we have a plan… of sorts… I guess…

Ok, it’s not exactly the best plan, I’ll admit, but we’ve just spent the last couple of days trying to think up something better, and nothing’s come to mind. It’s really hard to plan rescue missions with only half the voltron team, honestly. I’m so used to Pidge chiming in with some techno babble about something I’ve never heard of but that will make our mission harder if we don’t find some way to counteract it. Or even Keith’s suggestions about charging in head on, screw the consequences.

Granted, Pidge’s suggestions were often more helpful to us than Keith’s, but both of them usually brought up good points about what to fix to make our missions more successful. We all had a hand in crafting our foolproof plans. It’s only when we didn’t work together that things fell apart, and now I’m so afraid that not having them here with us will have the same effect.

Or at least not having Pidge. I just need to get used to not having Keith and planning things without him. I suppose now we’re actively planning  _ against  _ him, which is… weird. Really weird. Like, makes-my-stomach-churn type weird. I’m not a big fan of it.

But well, so far our plan consists of catching up to the prisoner ship, (which we’re close to doing thanks to Coran’s repairs and the castle’s thankfully functioning teludav), but also staying far enough away to remain hidden from its scanners.

Allura says the prisoner ship is in an area with a lot of interstellar clouds, which should help hide us due to interference problems with the ship’s radars. That interference will also help me and Hunk fly unseen, (with a little assistance from Pidge’s cloaking devices), to the Galra ship, where we can sneak in, find Pidge, and break them out.

That’s what we’re hoping for anyway. In practice it’ll probably be a lot messier and more difficult than we’re making it out to be, but we just have to take it as it comes. We’ll adjust the plan on the fly if we need to. I at least know I can do that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	47. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 19

Allura says we’re coming up on the prison ship. We’ll be within range to act out our plans by tomorrow, at the latest. 

I’m a little bit nervous. I’m ready to get Pidge back and have them on the team again, but this is a high security prison ship. I’m a little scared that something’s going to go wrong and we’re all going to be captured here. That we won’t be able to escape and get our lions back and save the universe. That all of this would have been for nothing.

I mean, at least the upside to all of that is that I wouldn’t need to face Keith myself. Someone else could deal with him and all of his betrayals. Which isn’t really that much of an upside, to be honest. I’d still rather be alive and safe and not a Galran prisoner. But who wouldn’t, right?

I just really hope this plan of ours works out in the end. It’s not the worst plan, after all. Not the best either, but definitely better than some of the things our team has done. At least we  _ have  _ a plan at all. Like honestly, we’re kind of known for just charging head on into things without thinking it through. With the Balmera, and that time we went to Zarkon’s headquarters, and the situation on Olkari… I could go on. The point is, we make up things on the fly a lot. And while we usually made it out of those situations ok, having a plan always helped. Made things just a bit easier and smoother. 

So we have a plan for this, which means I really shouldn’t be worrying as much about it as I am. We have a plan, and we have backup plans, and it’s all very logical and well thought out, and I was really hoping that talking about this with you would help me get past my nerves about it, but apparently that isn’t working because I’m still scared.

More than scared, actually. I’m  _ terrified.  _

There’s just so much that can go wrong. And, with as close as we are to actually putting our plans into action, I just can’t stop thinking about it. Worrying it just won’t be enough, even though I logically know that we’ve done everything we can and have given ourselves our best shot at succeeding. 

We’ve done everything we can, so if this does end up failing tomorrow, it won’t be because we weren’t prepared. It’ll just be because the enemy was  _ more  _ prepared. Or maybe because the universe decided we were never meant to succeed in the first place.

That’s a depressing thought. Especially considering we paladins are the “Defenders of the Universe” and all that shit.

Yeah, no. I’m gonna ignore that and believe everything will go the way we want tomorrow. We’ll make it through this. And when I come back, we’ll have Pidge back with us.


	48. Blue Paladin: Audio Log 2

“We’re in!”

“ _ Lance. Be quiet.” _

“No one’s even in this hallway right now, Hunk, remember? We scanned it. There’s nothing here.”

“Still. We should be more cautious and-- wait, are you recording this? Why are you recording this?”

“Posterity, Hunk. Someone should be documenting this heroic rescue.”

“Lance, this is  _ serious. _ ”

“I know. You don’t need to remind me. Let me just do another scan real quick, and then-- Uhhhh, Hunk, buddy? We have a problem.”

“Problem?! What sort of problem? A guard problem? A sentry problem?”

“No, no. We’re still good. It’s just… there are two high-security cells here. And they’re on opposite sides of the ship.”

“Oh no.”

“You don’t happen to remember which cell you were being kept in, do you?”

“No. It all looks the same to me.”

“Alright then, we’ll have to split up. You take the left hall, and I’ll take the right. One of us should manage to find Pidge. We’ll meet back here afterwards.”

“No! No, no, no! I do  _ not  _ like this plan! We always get in trouble when we split it!”

“We don’t have a lot of other options here, buddy.”

“Ughhhhhhhh. Fine. But be  _ careful,  _ Lance. Don’t get caught.”

“Right back at you, bud. See you in a bit.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Ok. Right hall, right hall. And all the way down. God, this is Beta Traz all over again. I really hope I don’t get stuck with another Yupper. Ok, left here, and then right again up ahead-- oh shit!”

_ <Heavy breathing. Footsteps pass by.> _

“... Are they gone? God, that was close. I hate those Galra sentries. Alright, I’m just leaving my scanner up so I don’t get anymore surprises. Ok. Left, then right. Left, then right. Left… and now right. Pidge! Pidge, are you here?!”

“Lance?!”

“Pidge!”

“What are you doing here!?”

“Rescuing you. Duh. Think the Beta Traz Warden’s face scan will work on this? I still have it saved here somewhere.”

“Maybe. Plug it into your suit’s facial decoder.”

“I can do that?”

“Home screen. Top right icon. Then all the way down--”

“Oh, I see it! Hang on a tick, I got this.”

“Thanks, Lance. It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too. But let’s do all this mushy stuff later. Hunk’s meeting us back at our entry point. We gotta go.”

“Wait. Not yet.”

“Pidge? Where are you going? Pidge!”

“I just need a computer to plug into. It’ll be quick, I swear.”

“Pidge, we don’t have time for this!”

“If we don’t get this information, we’ll never get back the lions. This ship is the only place with that information. Well, and the Galra headquarters. But I don’t think you want to go back there, do you?”

“...No.”

“Didn’t think so.”

“Alright, fine! Do your hacking thing! Just be quick, ok?”

“Duh.”


	49. Castle Log: Downloads

…… _Uploading files……  
_ _…… Upload complete……_

 

**Ship:** Sa Martok

**Classification:** Cargo Ship Model G-3481

**Captain:** Commander Sadak

**Departure Port:** Javeeno Base X

**Destination:** Central Command

**Current Location:** Etax Prime

**Cargo:** Classified

 

…… _Clearance code required_ ……   
…… _Decoding clearance specifications_ ……  
…… _Decoding complete. Access granted_ ……

 

**Cargo:**

  1. Scaultrite: 4,200 tons
  2. Luxite: 234 tons
  3. Pfredium: 1,200 tons
  4. Merictite: 1,540 tons
  5. Delzium: 3,400 tons
  6. Model Z-282 Sentries: 12 companies
  7. Refined Quintessence: 360 containers
  8. Voltron Yellow Lion
  9. Voltron Green Lion




	50. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 20

Pidge is amazing. Seriously. Remind me to never ever doubt them ever again.

So after I found Pidge and got them out of their cell, they dragged me all across the ship, searching for a computer they could hack into. They didn’t have any of their own equipment, of course, but as it turns out, Pidge installed all their hacking software or whatever it is into all of our suits, just in case of a situation like this. They plugged the computer system of my arm gauntlet into the Galra ship, and that was that.

So now we have the information needed to find the other two lions. We know they’re on a ship heading for central command, and that said ship is currently in a star system not very far from where we are now. We should be able to intercept it before gets too far. After all, Zarkon wouldn’t want to draw any undue attention to it if at all possible. The ship will keep at a normal pace, which means it’ll be plodding along slowly through the galaxy like all the other cargo ships Zarkon uses. 

The bad news, however, is that we won’t be able to just sneak on and take the lions like we did with Pidge. 

Unfortunately, as we were escaping, the guards found Pidge’s empty cell and sent out the alarm. Sentries found us in the corridor we had infiltrated. We escaped easily, of course. I mean, what chance did the sentries have when we were all so close to the entry point? Hunk and I blasted at them while Pidge escaped, and then we all got out of there, safely flying away. That part’s not the issue.

No, the problem is that the Galrans now know we’re regrouping and trying to form Voltron again, so the security around the lions is going to be doubled. Maybe tripled. It’s quite possible that Zarkon will be sending additional fighter squadrons to guard the ship, and Blue alone won’t be able to handle all of that.

Basically, our best course of action is to attack as soon as possible, before all those backup fleets have the time to reach the cargo ship. Gotta strike while the iron’s hot, and all that good nonsense. 

At least Pidge is back with us now. With them here, we’ll be able to figure out a foolproof plan for getting the lions back. And then we’ll be unstoppable.

Watch out, Zarkon. Voltron’s back in action!


	51. Castle Log: Blue Paladin: Entry 21

So the plan is this:

Once we’re within reach, (which will be very soon, according to Allura; perhaps within the hour), Pidge, Hunk, and I will all get into the Blue lion and head straight for the cargo ship, using the cloaking device Pidge created to keep undetected. As far as we know, the ship hasn’t yet gotten all of the reinforcements Zarkon sent. One of the smaller battleships has arrived, but that’s about all the castle’s radar is picking up right now. 

Good news for us, because it means just a little less fighting than we were expecting. And because, typically, the smaller battleships don’t come into contact with Voltron on a regular basis. They aren’t familiar with all of Blue’s modifications, so they won’t know to look for anything other than the giant, white spectacle that is the Castle of Lions. 

So the three of us will fly out there, and then, depending on if the Galrans see us or not, I’ll either drop Pidge and Hunk off and act as a distraction until they find their lions, or I’ll sneak Blue into the cargo ship itself and act as a distraction for the ship’s sentries while Pidge and Hunk go searching. The extra Galra fighter jets Zarkon sent won’t fire on their cargo ship, after all. Not with all the precious cargo inside it.

I’ll need to be careful either way. No point in doing all of this if Blue and I are just going to get captured by the Galrans in the end. Allura wants me to keep Blue’s comms on the entire time if I do end up sneaking onto the cargo ship. Probably because I’ll be too preoccuppied with keeping the sentries off my back to actually talk to her, and it’s important for her to keep up with the situation. She needs to know if I’m getting too overwhelmed and need to be pulled out.

But of course I won’t let them get that close. I’m not the team’s sharpshooter for nothing.


	52. Blue Paladin: Audio Log 3

“Oh my _god,_ how difficult is it to cause a goddamn distraction around this place?! I’ve been shooting things for nearly half an hour! You’d think they’d be alarmed by someone randomly shooting things in the empty hangar that no one was guarding-- dumb, by the way, who just leaves a hangar full of jets _unguarded_ \-- but no! Not one bit of worry! Hey, Blue. Blast something, will ya? Just enough to create lots of noise and maybe, I don’t know, knock out an engine or two.

“Oh, _now_ they raise the alarm. Couldn’t have done that _before,_ when I was _shooting everything._ Thanks by the way, Blue. That was a good shot. At least they won’t be able to follow us when we escape now.

“God, I hate being on distraction duty. Especially since Pidge always smirks and says something about my noise finally being useful or whatever. Why couldn’t they just hack into their computers and knock out the surveillance system? That would have been so much easier. I really hope they find their lions soon, because I swear to god-- Finally! Footsteps!

“Blue, get ready! We’re getting a visitor! Alright you, whoever you are, come here and face me like a man! I will shoot your ass to hell and back, don’t think I won’t! I’ll have you know I am Voltron’s blue…”

“Lance?!”

“...Keith...”

“Lance! I thought you were dead! What are you _doing_ here? You need to leave right now, before they find—”

“Stay away from me!”

“Lance?”

“I mean it! Don’t think I won’t shoot you!”

“Calm down. I’m not going to hurt you. You know I wouldn’t.”

“Do I?”

“Lance…”

“You told me you’d never join them. That Zarkon would never get to you.”

“I didn’t join—”

“You’re wearing their armor, Keith! You’re commanding their troops! What else could this be?”

“It’s… hard to explain.”

“Well try! Because I think I deserve a goddamn explanation for why the love of my life broke every promise he made to me and betrayed everything we fought for!”

“There isn’t time! I want to explain, but there are Galra soldiers headed this way and you need to get out of here before they see you!”

“No.”

“Lance, please! I don’t want to fight you, but I’ll have to if you’re found. Please, trust me.”

“Why should I?”

"Please. Lance. Please just go.”

“I won’t.”

“Get out of here! Go!”

_ <distant yelling> _

“Fine. But this isn’t over, Keith.”

“I know.”


	53. Blue Lion Log: Communications

_ ……Receiving transmission from yellow lion…… _

_ ……Transmission rejected…… _

_ ……Message log opened with yellow lion…… _

 

<Yellow lion> Lance, are you ok?

<Yellow lion> Please don’t ignore me

<Yellow lion> Lance, I know you’re in there. I’m not asking you to come out. Just, please, let me know you’re still alive

<Yellow lion> If it helps at all, Yellow wants to thank you for helping save her. And so do I.

 

<Blue lion> You’re welcome

<Yellow lion> Lance!

<Yellow lion> Are you ok???

 

<Blue lion> Yes

 

<Yellow lion> Do you want to talk about it?

 

<Blue lion> No

 

<Yellow lion> Are you sure?

<Yellow lion> It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up, you know. And I’m pretty good at listening

<Yellow lion> But no pressure! I’m right here for you if you need anything. Even just a hug

 

<Blue lion> I’m fine, Hunk

<Blue lion> I just need some time

 

<Yellow lion> Ok Lance. Whatever you need


	54. Blue Lion Log: Entry 28

So the mission was successful. We got the lions back. All of us got away with only a few bruises and scrapes. At least physically. 

Hunk and Pidge apparently found their lions pretty easily. The Galrans were keeping them together in the cargo hold, which was a dumb idea if you ask me, but I won’t complain since it made our job a lot easier. A good thing too since my distraction did like… absolutely nothing. I blew up an engine, but that’s about it. And then Keith…

You know what, no. I can’t do this.  

I thought I could handle talking about it. I thought I was prepared. But I’m not. I’m definitely not.

I just…

I can’t do this right now.

I need some time.


	55. Castle Log: Communications

_…… Receiving transmission……_  
_…… Encryption detected……_  
_…… Matching encryption……_  
_…… Match found in Green Paladin Files……_  
_…… Decoding complete……_

 

To Princess Allura and the Paladins of Voltron:

We have been hearing rumors of the paladins’ escape and the return of Voltron. If these rumors are true, we would like to meet with you once more.

Come to the old headquarters on Olkarion. You will find us there.

We truly hope to see you soon.

 

-Ryner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (this is the end of arc 2!!! like before, there's going to be a month-long hiatus or so before the next arc is started. thanks so much everyone for continuing to read this! i really appreciate it!)


End file.
